Who you gonna call? Hopefully not the "Great and Powerful" Trixie. In this week's episode, Twilight begins to realize that she's the living equivalent of a "Game Genie" and Ponyville is visited by the biggest self-aggrandizing gasbag this side of cable news.
In this week's episode Rainbow Dash discovers that Pinkie-Pie isn't nearly as obnoxious as some other people she knows. We also learn one of life's most important lessons: that true friends don't let friends hang out with douchebags.
In this week's episode, we witness Princess Celestia's epic Xanatos-like plot to drive Twilight insane for her own amusement. Oompa-Loompa, doopity-doo, she's got a perfect puzzle for you.
Hello Reader! It's been a long road getting even to this point, but here we are! Thirteen episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic have been reviewed by I, Apathy Pony! And it doesn't matter in the goddamn slightest!
AHAHAHAHAHA
But for real, if you're reading this blog, then that's the reason I keep doing these. Well, that and not wanting to offer a refund. MLP was not exactly the easiest thing to devote time and energy to when both have been in short supply, but knowing that there's an audience out there makes the difference in a way few understand.
The knowledge that my words are not being shouted in vain into the cold, ceaseless void that is The Internet is probably as much or more of a reward than any monetary compensation I've received. So if you've read this far, I want to sincerely thank you for doing so. I especially encourage you to give me feedback so I can improve the blog so it's even more entertaining to read-- I've gone through more than one format change over the last several months, and while I've found one I can stick to for the time being, I want the audience to get the most out of it.
Okay, enough of that sappy crap! I asked some of the readers to give me some questions about the blog, my views on the show, or the first thing that came to mind, apparently. And I will answer them all. Here we go!
Ian C. asked:
"Obvious question first.What is your opinion of the show/fandom at this stage in the process? Do you look more kindly upon it? Do you see where it stems from?"
My opinion of the show? It's mostly mediocre with a standout episode or two every now and then. This is the first season though, and I understand that it takes one, two, or even three in some cases for the show to find it's voice, so I don't hold that against it. MLP still isn't the kind of show I'd find myself watching voluntarily, but it also isn't so dreadful that it makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I'm still holding out hope that the show improves soon, but from what I've been told that won't happen until the tailend of this season at best.
As for the fandom? I only know four Bronies personally, and they're all lovely individuals, but those individuals do not a fandom make. In the early days of the show's run I got exposed to some rather disturbing things from the darkest corners fandom, but that doesn't make the MLP fandom unique in the slightest. Like any other show with a following, you'll have your level-headed fans and disturbing weirdos, and it's just a consequence of sharing a love of something with other humans.
TL;DR -- I think the fans are people that like MLP, some to weirder degrees than other, but they're mostly harmless and some are quite pleasant. As for why the show has a following...I don't have the slightest fucking clue. All the elements (YOU SEE WHAT I ACCIDENTALLY DID THERE?!) that might have interested me got jettisoned after the pilot. To each their own, I guess.
"Do you get any warmth from the show? Or is it just another cartoon to you?"
Just another cartoon, unfortunately.
"At this stage, who is best Pony?"
Are you fucking kidding me? Applejack, clearly. And Applebloom is right behind her out of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but they haven't had any follow up episodes yet so that's a tenuous position.
"Do you delight at the Derpy spotting?"
At first, yeah, though "delight" is a bit strong a word. I heard about all the drama surrounding how the character was handled after her first and seemingly only voiced appearance, so it was interesting to see that she was established as early as she was, but the novelty wore off after the first few times.
"Are you a Top or a Bottom?"
Versatile. Can't get fucked in the ass all the time, variety is the spice of life.
Andrew S. Asked:
"Oh boy...question time :3 I'm wondering if he has (or is aware of) any brony friends. That and if there is any fan material he likes, or if so far he's only dealing with the show."
As stated earlier, I have a few brony friends, and they're great. :D Regarding the fan material...well. This may be me kicking a hornet's nest, but the only fan material I've seen is the animated version of the infamous "Cupcakes" fanfic on youtube. From what I know there's some context to it from some episode in the future, but I thought it was funny for the sheer fucked-upedness of it all. That's pretty much it though for fan works, I've just been watching the show.
Darrick H. asked:
"Would you willingly fight a bird the size of a horse?"
Why the fuck would I do that?! Well, wait, what kind of bird is it? I don't know. I guess?
Ed W. asked:
"Does apathy pony have Triskadekaphobia?"
One of my favorite movie franchises is Friday the 13th, so no. Instead I have a healthy fear of fucking while black in a forest and getting impaled on a machete before I get to orgasm.
Caycee A. asked:
"Now that you have watched some of the episodes, do you find yourself with a higher opinion of the show than when you first started reviewing them? The same question, but about bronies?"
Truth told...not really. The good episodes were good, but not so good that it made watching the show something to look forward to. From what I knew of it, the show is living up to the expectations I had for it going in-- A'ight, nothing special. That could always change in the future, but for now my feelings on the show are a resounding "meh".
My feelings on bronies are pretty much the same as when I started.
Adam Y. asked:
"Any headcanons so far?"
None that come to mind at this time. If I mentioned any before, I seem to have forgotten them. Mostly I just have the questions I asked in the reviews when something seemed odd or out of place.
"Any other fandoms currently involved with or do you just tend to avoid them?"
I tend to avoid them. What I said about fandoms earlier is the reason I avoid them. As time goes on a show adds to the development of the plot, characters, and setting, which every fan has their own ideas about. Some fans are a little too emotionally invested in their show of choice, and others even moreso, and those opinions become dogma over time.
Honestly, I'd rather just enjoy something on my own or discuss it with friends who are also watching, since I know I have a better chance of being civil with them about it than with a stranger. However, even I am not immune to the odd heated discussion every now and then.
"Does forcing yourself to write about something you have no vested interest in give you a new perspective you hadn't anticipated?"
Sort of? It makes me pay attention to the details in order to find ANYTHING to grasp onto when watching the show, since I haven't been entirely entertained by it more often than not. Noticing weird shit or loose plot threads is something to do as a way of making me pay attention in the future to see if it gets followed up on later.
"What minor character deserves their own background episode?"
The Mayor of Ponyville. She doesn't even have a name yet as far as I know. She also tends to disappear for long stretches while Twilight Sparkle does her job, so I wonder what she gets up to, unless the writers really did just forget that she exists.
"Who needs more development based on what you've seen?"
Fluttershy and Rarity, FULL STOP. They're followed by Pinkie Pie, but those two need it the most. Fluttershy has only had one spotlight episode to herself, and Rarity had to share one with Applejack, so I'd give her the priority over any of them.
"Any traits you would apply to specific characters that haven't/couldn't be explored on the show?"
Nothing for specific characters, but maybe where the hell all these ponies parents are? People seem to have siblings, but no parents, except for Applejack who at least has Granny Smith. I'd also like to see the limits of what a unicorn's magic can do, because it seems to be really inconsistent. I guess if I'm going to get specific, I wonder what pushed Twilight Sparkle to be an overachiever. She pretty much popped up on the scene all smug and condescending, though she got better, but all the ponies could use a proper origin story.
Well, that's it for questions that were submitted, but if you have any, be sure to post them in the comments section below and I'll respond ASAP! Well, as long as the question isn't too inappropriate or blatant trolling, in which case you can go and fuck yourself. :)
See you next time for Suited for Success! (for real this time) -Apathy Pony
Yes, these reviews are still a thing! I really would like to get them out more often than I have, but the instant I get to my weekend, I’m well and truly wiped out. Maybe I should start doing them in batches or something. Anyways! Enough complainifying, you’re here for semi-insightful MLP analysis! And lemme tell you, this episode just may have ended up being a game-changer…okay, it’s a game-changer, at least character-wise. In what ways, you ask? Well the answers lie below the fold…
Okay, first thing's first: sorry about the lateness of this review. Between the mental and physical stress of my job and actively looking for a new one during the last couple weeks, I was wiped out. So of course, by the time my "weekend" rolled around I wanted to spend a great deal of it unconscious and decompressing-- sprinkle in a little procrastination and here we are. It seems that life gets in the way on occasion, but in spite of that I want to get these out to you guys at least regularly, hence this review.
Now that that's outta the way: OH SNAP MAH GURL APPLEJACK GOTS HER OWN EPISODE
But...did I think it was any good? Continue below the fold to find out!
See Twilight Sparkle's face up there? IT HAUNTS MY FUCKING DREAMS. Welcome to my review of the second part of the pilot to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! I'm going to let you know right off the bat that I'm going to be trying a new format for the reviews, starting with this one. As much fun as I had writing the first one in a pseudo-Cracked.com style, it was incredibly time consuming and I'd like to actually get these things out regularly, you know? Maybe I'll do them like that for episodes I particularly enjoyed, and if that is indeed the case, expect them to be sporadic.
Anyway, on with the review!
Plot Summary
Following the events of the last episode, Nightmare Moon shrouds Equestria in eternal darkness and escapes into the night. The ponies try to stop her from getting away, but fail. Twilight Sparkle is confronted by Rainbow Dash due to her knowledge of Nightmare Moon's return, but the others defend Twilight and ask her for details about how to stop Nightmare Moon. Once they've found the information they need about the Elements of Harmony, the six ponies set off towards the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters in the Everfree Forest.
This caption is dedicated to the memories of the brave Peganuccis who attempted to stop Nightmare Moon. They aren't dead, but I like to think they'd have given the ultimate sacrifice anyway.
On their way through the forest, Each of the ponies display an attribute aligned with the Elements of Harmony as they overcome obstacles sent by Nightmare Moon to prevent them from reaching the Elements. AppleJack displays Honesty when she assures Twilight Sparkle that she needs to let go and will be caught after Twilight is hanging off the edge of a cliff. Fluttershy embodies Kindness when she removes a thorn from the paw of an attacking Manticore.
Pinkie Pie manifests the Element of Laughter when she convinces the other ponies to laugh in the face of fear while travelling through a scary looking forest. Rarity shows Generosity when she gives up a part of her tail to restore the mangled mustache of a river serpent. And finally, Rainbow Dash reveals Loyalty when she decides not to betray her friends to become the captain of the Shadowbolts, who are an illusion sent by Nightmare Moon.
At last, the ponies make it to the castle, where inside they find stones representing 5 of the 6 Elements of Harmony. According to the book, it says that the 6th element will appear when the other five are ignited with a "spark". Twilight tells the others she's going to try something and the others leave to give her some distance in order to concentrate. Shortly after, Nightmare Moon appears and whisks Twilight away to another part of the castle. Nightmare Moon then smashes the Element stones, declaring victory.
"They're called Pony Thread Simulators, and they describe what happens to bad ponies when they die!"
Just as all seems lost, the other ponies appear to aid Twilight, which causes her to realize that she has formed genuine friendships with them all. This acts as the spark needed to activate the Elements of Harmony, which manifest as jewels resembling each of the ponies' Cutie Marks. The six ponies use the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon, which reduces her to the form of a young Alicorn. Princess Celestia is freed and reveals that she is Nightmare Moon's sister, and with some coaxing, encourages her sister to reconcile their differences and rule Equestria together once again. Pinkie Pie declares that this is worthy of celebration and throws a party in their honor.
Having saved the day, Twilight Sparkle feels that her victory is bittersweet-- Nightmare Moon has been stopped and daytime is restored, but now she has to return to Canterlot after having finally learned the joys of friendship. Princess Celestia takes note of this and declares that Twilight's new mission is to continue her research on the magic of friendship in Ponyville. The six ponies are overjoyed as the episode ends and credits roll.
What I liked
Pictured: Twilight Sparkle, giving a shit about something that isn't research or herself for once.
This particular moment where Twilight tucks Spike into bed did more to endear Twilight Sparkle to me than anything in the last one. I think they really should have put this into the first part of the pilot to show that she wasn't a total bitch, but maybe that's just me. At least it's been shown that Twilight actually does care for Spike on some level and that he isn't just some lackey/mailman she keeps around like her own personal Igor.
"It was under E!"
- Pinkie Pie, explaining to Princess Celestia's top student Twilight Sparkle on how to use a goddamn library.
Pinkie Pie showing Twilight Sparkle where to find the book on the Elements of Harmony is one of the few moments in this series to get me to chuckle thus far. Who would have thought that Pinkie Pie could actually do something besides irritate the fuck out of me? A few more moments like this, and I may find her to be somewhat tolerable. Tragically, I have a feeling they will be hard to come by.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic -- The children's cartoon that considers that you might have had to take a piss before the commercial break.
Another moment that got a chuckle out of me was when Twilight got irritated with Rainbow Dash for describing the events of what happened before the commercial break...because they had just happened. If this meta-humor is a consistent part of the show, then I can at least see partially why the fans are as enamored with this show as they are.
It's like someone threw nightmares into a blender and made the resulting mess adorable.
I just like the Manticore because it's proof that there are potentially dangerous creatures in this world. I'll be disappointed if we don't get a cute little Beholder later on.
"I watch you while you sleep."
And the show gets even better by mocking musicals. I FUCKING HATE MUSICALS. well, unless they're fucked up ones, like the South Park movie, or Sweeny Todd. But the primary reason I hate them is because the cast breaks into song and it completely takes me out of the story when it happens, and this is blatantly lampshaded by everyone who isn't Pinkie Pie.
What I Hated
Seven seconds left before it's time to roll credits and Pinkie Pie managed to squander nearly all the goodwill she built up in this episode by managing to not shut. The fuck. UP.
Well, there's always next week, I guess.
What the Fuck
Okay, confession time! I was told by Adam that in the pre-production stage, MLP was planned to have a Magical Girl vibe to the story, and Hasbro nixed it because they wanted a show with more stand-alone episodes. If they had gone with Lauren Faust's original idea, I have to admit, I'd probably have made more of an effort to watch this show. I grew up watching Magic Knight Rayearth on VHS and Sailor Moon before catching the bus to school in the mid 1990's, and I loved the show when monsters were being fought-- I could take or leave the melodrama and crying, honestly. MLP seems like it could have made the non-combat parts more interesting/entertaining with some time, but in the end, the video below is as close as we're going to get to a pony magical girl show, and that's terrible.
What I Think of the Main Characters
Twilight Sparkle: Much improved from the pilot. I hope she continues down this path and doesn't devolve back into a self-involved semi-misanthrope.
Applejack: Bonus points for telling Rainbow Dash to calm her tits when she thought Twilight was a spy. Still my favorite, although now it isn't merely due to slim pickings.
Rainbow Dash: Still kind of a jerk, but a decent pony deep down. I like her a little more.
Rarity: About the same, really. She needs more to do besides be a less abrasive version of Cordelia from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Fluttershy: Improved by being given something to do by subduing the Manticore. Acceptable.
Pinkie Pie: Shut the fuck up, please. I'd like to at least not hate you, but you don't make it easy.
Please shut the fuck up.
Closing Thoughts
Well that was an improvement! The characters (with one glaring personal exception) are actually likable! I'm relieved, because I was worried I was going to have to go through 65 episodes of liking the other characters simply for not being Pinkie Pie.
Now that the pilot is out of the way, I'll be seeing what becomes of the show now that the world and it's inhabitants are established and the most interesting concept of the show to me has been shelved.
Please, God, let it be watchable.
Whatever. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this blog, share it with your fellow MLP fans and subscribe! See you next week!
See Twilight Sparkle's face up there? That's my fuckin' face right now. It's everything behind the phrase "Goddamn it", condensed and contorted into a facial expression that barely construes the level of annoyance and resistance felt. We don't want this to be happening to us; her divinely mandated relocation to Ponyville, and my having to review this show. Our mutual butthurt is reactionary and a defense mechanism in the face of change, but that's where similarities end.
Over the course of the next two episodes, Twilight Sparkle will obviously probably learn the value of friendship and then use it to unite with her new pals to curb-stomp a misunderstood alicorn with rainbow lasers and shit. Me, I just don't want to like this show beyond the point of "It's a'ight", which is my current opinion. I like that opinion. I spent a lot of time forming it, and you can't make me change it, Lauren Faust! My skepticism can't shoot lasers! It's not fair!
*grumbles*
Okay, so actually watching the episode now.
We open with "Once upon a time," followed by what I'm assuming is the text of the most condescending history book on Equestria ever written. Apparently there were two all powerful alicorn sisters. Alicorns are unicorns and...pegasuses? Pegasi? I'm just asking for some asshole to correct this-- whatever, it's those two things mixed together. Anyway, there were two sisters, one for day and the other for night.
DEEP TAOIST SYMBOLISM
Things were chill as motherfucker until the younger night sister realized her nighttime was going completely unappreciated, because fuck circadian rhythms, ecosystems and the primal instinctual terror of what lurks in the darkness. She got fed up with this survival instinct bullshit, turned into Nightmare Moon (Make Up!) and said "Fuck it! Nighttime forever."
The elder daytime sister was having none of the night sister's genocidal tantrum, so she took off her earrings, removed her high heels and brandished The Elements of Harmony, six powerful gems which will in no way be relevant to the overall plot of the show.
Seriously, I think they only bust out these fuckers, like, twice or something over the first two seasons.
Using the Elements of Harmony, the elder sister rainbowed the living shit outta Nightmare Moon, which sealed her away inside of the actual moon. In retrospect it kinda makes the younger sister's new name seem like a fucked-up tempting of fate in a way.
Asking for it.
Having sealed away her only living relative without even considering that the sisters could have just traded duties every other day or something, the elder sister took control of both day and night.
"Relax y'all, I got this shit on lock."
Things became awesome once again, and nobody even thought to pitch the benefits of nighttime to the lesser ponies, condemning them to a millennium of fear and ignorance.
Seriously, It's not that hard.
The opening narration fades from one voice to another. The new voice belongs to our main character, Twilight Sparkle, who is reading all about the brutal history (mythology?) of her people.
"...Begat Twilight who then begat Twilight Twinkle...oh, gross! Illustrations."
Or her kind, I should say, since they use the phrase "Everypony" on this show for some reason. I never liked that kind of thing, it always seemed really smurfing gratuitous to me. But yeah, Twilight Sparkle ominously dwells on how familiar The Elements of Harmony are sounding and where she's heard of them before, and then it's time for the intro sequence.
It's upbeat, catchy and is the the aural equivalent of having xenomorph eggs laid in your chest cavity, because it makes you want to sing along against your will. Watch at your own risk.
It's quickly established that Twilight Sparkle will blow off a good time with her peers to pour over old books, ignoring the friendly waves of passerby and thoughtlessly trampling her assistant Spike. Not long after that we find out that Twilight Sparkle turns out to be that guy, you know the one. She's all freaked out about the inevitable return of Nightmare Moon, because it's been 1,000 years since the events of the opening narration happened. I'm guessing some of the books she's obsessed with are old RPG strategy guides. Twilight Sparkle gets all riled up about the return of pony Anti-Christ and decides to tell Princess Celestia via letter, which she dictates to the vocabulary-challenged Spike instead of using her horn's telekinesis power to write it herself.
Anti-social, thoughtless, lazy, AND abusive. Ladies and gentlemen, our heroine.
The letter is written and then delivered to Princess Celestia with a hint of skepticism by Spike via dragon's breath, because magic. Twilight Sparkle barely has enough time to savor her smug self-righteousness when the letter gets a reply, thankfully not coming out of Spike's other end. Not even two sentences into the letter, Spike reads to Twilight Sparkle that Princess Celestia wants her to stop reading so friggin' much. A moment later and we see Spike and Twilight headed to Ponyville on a golden chariot pulled by two pegasusites. Spike continues to read the letter to Twilight, saying that she has been put in charge of the Summer Sun Celebration which is being held in Ponyville this year, and that she has to make some goddamn friends. Twilight Sparkle, naturally, is thrilled by the idea of this.
"Don't be like that, Twilight! This'll totally be lots of fun...to watch."
"...Fuck off, Spike."
Spike tries to console Twilight by saying that they've been given lodgings in a library. Twilight Sparkle immediately plans to use this as a means to verify her insane theory once she's done checking on the festival and go back to ignoring the layponies.
...God-Smurf it, they've got me doing it. FUCK
The two of them come in for a landing as Twilight dismisses Spike, who reiterated that Princess Celestia also wanted her to make friends. As they disembark, Twilight thanks the two pegasusinos, calling them "sirs". They don't actually speak, instead they make pony sounds. This probably doesn't mean anything, but I'm going to assume that it's another sign that Equestria is a racist, sexist matriarchy, because lol.
Spike implores Twilight to give the whole thing a chance once more as a pink pony approaches them. When Twilight decides to give this whole friendship thing a genuine try and introduce herself, the pink pony gasps dramatically and runs off without another word.
"...The fuck was that about?"
Annoyed and discouraged respectively, Twilight and Spike decide to just get on with inspecting the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration instead. It's from this point forward that I'll probably just be summing up characters as much as commenting on the plot of the episode, since this is just a string of introductions. First up we have...
Applejack
Twilight and Spike head over to Sweet Apple Acres for their first order of business, which is to check on the food for the banquet. The establishing shot for Sweet Apple Acres is pretty good looking, I have to admit. Anyone that still wants to shit on Flash animation at this point can go and fuck themselves. Seconds after arriving, Applejack shows up and kicks one of the apple trees, causing the fruit to fall into baskets below. Unimpressed, Twilight grudgingly introduces herself as politely as possible.
Applejack is friendly, dynamic, and has an obscenely huge family with conspicuous apple themed names. I actually like Applejack so far. So of course, Twilight goes out of her way to get away from the crowd of ponies that want to show her hospitality, staying solely because of the guilt she feels from everyone's disappointment. I really hope they explain the reason for all this misanthropy, because up to now? not digging Twilight Sparkle. She's kind of a bitch, really.
"Nothing pisses me off more than free food and friends!"
-Nobody ever, except Twilight Sparkle
Moving on from the torture that is delicious apples and baked goods, Spike and Twilight seek out the pony who's in charge of clearing the skies, who turns out to be...
Rainbow Dash
The first thing Twilight comments on is that Rainbow Dash hasn't done her job. Her next observation is on the bottom of a mud pool that she's been slammed into by the reckless flying antics of Rainbow Dash. Dash notes her mistake and cleans off Twilight by stomping on a rain cloud and drying her off like Superman trying to turn back time by spinning around really fast. This goes about as well as you'd expect.
"Bitch done messed up my weave!"
Spike and Dash laugh hysterically at this, and I think I've found a pony I dislike as much or more than Twilight Sparkle at this point. We then learn that Dash has been too busy practicing her flying in order to join the Wonderbolts, who are basically the pony version of the Blue Angels. Twilight scoffs at this, saying that they wouldn't admit a Pegasus into their ranks that can't even keep the sky clear for a day. Rainbow Dash, incredulous at this statement, says she can clear the sky in ten seconds, then actually does it when challenged by Twilight. Twilight and Spike gawk in disbelief, and Dash says the look on her face is hilarious and that she can't wait to hang out more. This predictably unnerves Twilight Sparkle further.
Okay, I kinda like Rainbow Dash a little.
Moving on, it's time to check out the decorations, where we meet...
Rarity
Twilight and Spike enter the reception hall, which has been expertly decorated with streamers and bows. Twilight admits this, but only in the context of how quickly the competency of the decorator will get her to the library (bitch). Spike, however, is stricken with something else entirely. We zoom in on a pony who's sorting through a bunch of ribbons, trying to find the perfect one. Rarity monologues to herself about how awesome she is until she notices Twilight's fucked up hair-do and immediately takes Twilight to her home to fix it.
I'm not even going to bother with a real caption.
During the makeover/torture session, Twilight mentions that she's from Canterlot. Rarity is enthralled, saying that she and Twilight will be the best of friends in the hopes that she can tell her all about the glamour of the big city. When Rarity runs off to get yet another outfit, Twilight takes it as an opportunity to escape, taking the love-struck Spike with her.
Rarity is alright, if not a bit over-enthusiastic, but I can easily see her as being one of those characters that could go either way on the spectrum of endearing to annoying if played wrong. I guess we'll see what I think in the long run, won't we?
Next up, we have...
Fluttershy
The last item on the list is music, and it seems to be done entirely with birds. This only makes me wonder if Equestrians prefer bird songs or if there were no creatures worth enslaving/domesticating that had opposable thumbs and musical talent. The pony responsible for the avian symphony is in the process of training her flock when Twilight and Spike come to introduce themselves. Twilight gives it a go, and with each attempt the yellow pony becomes so shy that her attempts to say her own name devolve into a high-pitched squeak.
Twilight gives up, and just as she's about to leave, the other pony notices Spike. Excited to see a baby dragon, the other pony enthusiastically introduces herself as Fluttershy. Fluttershy follows the pair and asks Spike eleventy-million questions about dragons all the way to the library, much to Twilight Sparkle's chagrin.
Fluttershy's not bad, but she better get some character development quick. The whole "I'm shy and interacting with strangers is awkward" thing could get old really fast.
Okay, so that's it for character introductions! Twilight manages to shake off Fluttershy at the door, much to the annoyance of Spike. Inside is pitch black, and Twilight wastes no time stating her intent to begin studying when the lights come on and...
"One of us, one of us, gooble gobble, gooble gobble..."
It's a surprise party! It turns out that the whole thing was arranged by the pink pony from earlier in the episode...
Pinkie Pie
...and goddamn, she is annoying. Friendly and well-intentioned, but she clearly cannot shut the fuck up. There is literally nothing about her that I don't want to have lit on fire from the second she opens her motor-mouth. For once I feel like Twilight Sparkle's annoyed demeanor is entirely justified in this particular case. Anyway, Pinkie Pie blathers on about how she decided to throw this surprise party for Twilight, who has tuned her out even more than I have since she thoughtlessly poured herself a tall glass of hot sauce and took a drink.
"How much of this do I have to drink to make me forget that I've met these ponies?"
Twilight runs off to her room, mouth blazing in agony as the party rolls on without her. Spike tries to get her to come down and enjoy the celebrations, but Twilight resigns herself to sulk and stare at the moon, which looks not ominous at all.
"That's one fucked up-ass moon."
Twilight says the specifics of the prophecy foretelling he return of Nightmare Moon to no one in particlar as Spike returns to announce that the sunrise ceremony with Princess Celestia is about to begin. They go out to the main hall and meet...ugh...Pinkie Pie, who still can't seem to silence her Pinkie Pie-hole. The mayor of Ponyville comes out to introduce Princess Celestia, but she's not there when the spotlight shines on the stage.
Rarity searches around, but finds no signs of the princess. As the panic begins to reach it's peak, A black alicorn appears on the stage! Rainbow Dash demands to know what has been done with the princess, flying straight at the black alicorn before Applejack holds her back. Pinkie Pie irritatingly attempts to guess her name and has her prattling gob stuffed with an apple by Applejack, who is officially my favorite character in this show, just for that.
...Thank you. Thank you, so goddamn much.
The black alicorn tries to get the other less annoying ponies to guess her identity, and only Twilight Sparkle seems to have bothered to read a history book, calling her out as Nightmare Moon. Pleased that someone remembered her, Nightmare Moon then asks if Twilight knows what she's planning, and Twilight can barely get the words out. Nightmare Moon then tells them to "remember this day, because the night...will last...FOREVER! MWAHAHAHA etc."
OMFG TO BE CONTINUED
And that's the end of the episode!
Finally.
Not that it was bad, it was perfectly serviceable if anything. But I did spend many hours writing this article and gathering screenshots, so it just seems so...much...longer than it actually was. Mind you all of that was after I already watched the episode straight through once with no interruptions. But yeah, it was a great introduction to Equestria and it's inhabitants, flawed though many of them may be. I do have to say that I'm glad this premiered as a full hour, because if I had just seen this one episode the first time around?
*changes channel, never watches again unless it's in the background when Adam does*
Which is basically what happened anyway, but I at least got 3 or 4 episodes in before that occurred. Fortunately for anyone that gives a shit about this blog, I'll be going far beyond that point.
tl;dr: "It was a'ight...for a start. Pinkie Pie sucks."
Okay, so that's it for my first post! stay tuned, leave comments, subscribe to the RSS feed, and tell your friends if you found this even vaguely amusing! I'll try to have the next one up in a week or so. Although they will likely be far, FAR shorter than this one, because I want these out on a semi-regular basis, and this one took forever.
See you next time when I'll be reviewing Friendship is Magic, part 2!
