S01 E19: "A Dog and Pony Show"

S01 E19: "A Dog and Pony Show"

Episode friggin' 19! Wow! If I tried to pat myself on the back over this shit, I'd put myself in traction. I know I'm going to finish the series, but it's been slow going getting even this far for any number of reasons. That said, I'd like to thank anyone who's been following this blog up to this point. The money is certainly nice, but what makes it really worth it is knowing I'm entertaining people to some extent.

As for the episode itself? I've been told this one is one of Adam's favorites, but I haven't the slightest clue why. When he was first watching the series, this is around the point that I checked out and stopped paying attention...well past that point, come to think of it. So far we've been of like mind for the most part, so I'm hoping that ends up being the case once again here. Without further ado...

Ponies Ponies Ponies

00:23 Rarity's doing magic! Well, magikenesis anyway. And the name of her store is the Carousel Boutique? I see what you did there...

00:27 So some pony named Sapphire Shores or something just came in, and she has a title that I could barely understand when Rarity said it...I may have to watch this part with closed captions.

01:08 Sapphire turns out to be some kind of musical pop star in equestria and wants Rarity to  design her wardrobe for some concert, since Rarity has gotten some kind of rep for her fashion designs. I wonder how much of this is intentional continuity, given that we've seen Rarity's work be evaluated by at least one other fashionista and her designs have been in somewhat high demand since then.

I like this when it happens, and I hope that it's something that continues in the future. I know the show was produced to be "easier to watch" by making the show seem more episodic, but these little nods are appreciated for those of us who have been paying attention, for whatever reasons. I never really got that mindset either-- I grew up on stuff like Gargoyles, X-Men and Spider-Man the Animated Series, so kids not being able to handle continuity is total bullshit as far as I'm concerned.

01:42 Sapphire is shown Rarity's latest work, and she loves it so much that she wants it and 5 more just like it! Too bad Rarity blew her cache of jewels on the one she already completed...I'm wondering what Sapphire sees in it though. Personally i found it to be too busy, but I'm terrible at fashion. :/

02:26 Rarity seems to be using her horn as a dowsing rod, probably to look for jewels...and Spike is with her? Weird. Why couldn't Sweetie Bell be doing this? She should exist outside of the CMC so it seems like she does other things besides irritate the other denizens of Ponyville while trying to get a cutie mark.

03:15 Was right about the dowsing rod thing! And Spike starts salivating once he digs up the jewels...he eats precious stones? The fuck? Oh, and now I'm back to wondering how exactly magic works in this show. Rarity's cutie mark makes a lot more sense if her power is specifically centered around finding rare jewels with her magic, but that has yet to be confirmed.

03:55 If Rarity can find jewels this easily, does this have any effect on their value? Would finding too many destabilize the Equestrian economy? How does the Equestrian economy even work? This show is sorely in need of some world-building.

04:21 Oh boy...Spike seems to have a crush on Rarity now that she gave him that jewel as a treat.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND SPIKE WHAT WOULD FLUTTERSHY THINK

04:40 Special Guest Star: GOLLUM

05:08 So there seems to be three of these gem hunters, and they are intelligent enough to discern that Rarity is the one locating all the jewels. what are the chances they'll be quadrapeds?

05:58 So one of those things is a "Diamond Dog"? I wonder if it was a Carbon Dog at some point.
Also, this thing is bipedal, but also a dog, so I was semi-sorta right.

06:17 Holy crap! I knew those guys would attack Rarity-- was not expecting Spike to come to her rescue though! Good for him! Spike, you and Opal are tied for Best Supporting Character now.

06:51 "Spike! Ugh, dirt!"

lol

06:59 Woah-- suspense! Rarity got kidnapped! How's Spike gonna deal with it? Will he try to go it alone, or ask Twilight Sparkle and the others for help? Could this feeling be...interest?!

07:03 He got help. I wonder why it's just these 5 ponies though, you'd think a few more would be willing to help search for Rarity.

07:18 Spike is breathing into a paper bag to stop his hyperventilating, and they flashback to his incoherent attempts to explain what happened to Rarity. The producers seem to be far enough into things that they're willing to give some experimentation with the format of the show a shot, and I like it a lot.

07:46 Applejack thinks things will be as simple as retrieving Rarity from the hole the Diamond Dogs took her into.

No.

08:09 Spotted! The Diamond Dogs begin filling the holes in attempt to cut the ponies off at the pass. Pragmatic villains? In MLP?!

KEEP IT UP

08:42 THEY FAILED! Near the end I was expecting Rainbow Dash to be fast enough to get down one of the holes, but even she couldn't act in time.

GOOD! Tension! Stakes! See, this is the kind of episode I can get more into, and I bet they're going to be few and far between just for that. >_>

09:05 So they cut away to an imagine spot of Rrity freaking out like an exagerated hypocondriac in her filth prison. Do all the ponies get this treatment? They should, it's interesting to see what they think of each other.

10:00 With no other options, the ponies start to dig, but the Diamond Dogs counter every attempt with comical ease...I like the Diamond Dogs up to this point, and I hope they make more appearances in the future. And if they can't, please write other bad guys who are as competent as they are!

10:19 Another Rarity freak out fantasy segment...they'll likely subvert this by showing her making friends with them or something, but I really hope she just manages to escape on her own.

10:43 Looks like they missed a hole! And Spike is going to use the gem Rarity gave him to lure out the Diamond Dogs, I guess? Spike is being all chivalrous and shit, it's adorable.

10:47 Until they pulled the camera back, I was expecting Spike to be dressed like Superman, since he kind of looked like the DCAU version a little bit in this imagine spot.

Someone, somewhere has masturbated to this.

10:57 Why the fuck do the Diamond Dogs have cat eyes? Can't believe I only just now noticed that...

11:44 AND RARITY IS DRESSED LIKE A PRINCESS HAHA

12:50 They got a "bite", and the six of them get dragged down into a subterranian network of tunnels deep beneath the ground and not a clue which of the multitude of paths they should take to even escape, let alone find Rarity...

See, now I know this isn't going to happen, but what I would do is have them get so despondant and desperate that they summon the Elements of Harmony to use as a means of locating Rarity, since the six of them have a bond of friendship through them.

CONTINUITY WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ANYWAY

13:19 So Rarity's gem-finding spell that was introduced in THIS EPISODE is not unique, she taught it to Twilight OFF SCREEN, and she's going to attempt to recall how it works. Figures. :/

13:35 It worked, and off they go.

14:18 So the Diamond Dogs have started forcing Rarity to find jewels. She finds some, and then they make the mistake of asking her to dig for them, even though they are clearly more skilled at it. Fortunately, Rarity is having none of their shit and seems primed and ready to tell them to fuck off.

14:54 Not exactly what happens-- she makes a middling attempt, but only because she had a pony-pedi, and the Diamond Dogs just say "fuck it" and tell her to stop.

...lol

14:56 SHE LOOKS SO SMUG BECAUSE THAT WAS THE PLAN AND THAT IS WHY RARITY IS BEST PONY

15:36 So much for that-- "If you will not dig, you will pull!" Then Rarity starts throwing shade about their bad grooming and terrible breath, because RARITY

16:26 WEAPONIZED WHINING

The only other place I have seen this is in an obscure RPG on the Nintendo DS called My World, My Way, and it's pretty much Rarity: The Game if she were a human princess in an anime European fantasy setting. The combat was pretty shallow and gets repetitive after a while, but it was a wonderfully meta game, and this episode is making me want to replay it a little.

But yeah, Rarity is getting on the Diamond Dogs' nerves so hard that it is causing at least one of them physical pain, and that's hilarious/AWESOME.

16:32 "I am not whining, I am complaing! Do you want to hear whining?"

School these motherfuckas, Rarity, SCHOOL 'EM

16:50 DAT WHINING THO'

This is probably the funniest thing I've seen in the show yet, and it makes me a little sad that this will probably be where this peaks this season...but I am totally willing to be disappointed if that ends up being completely wrong. And the humor is character-based, which I love. This moment right here is probably the most Cordelia-esque that I've seen Rarity be, and I'm a little annoyed that it took this long for that to truly sink in for her character since I'm eating it up with a spoon.
Actually, I'm pretty confident Cordelia did exactly this at some point, but I'm not entirely sure...

STAY TUNED FOR APATHY PONY WATCHES BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (probably not. maybe)

17:09 DD: "Stop whining!"

R: "But I thought you wanted whining!"

DD:"We'll do anything pony! [of Rarity's gaze] Oh, uh, we'll do anything, Ms. Rarity!"

R: "Anything?"

17:22 SHE GOT THESE FOOLS FANNING HER AND PULLING CARTS FULL'A JEWELS AND SHIT

No, seriously, Rarity is the best pony. Yes, she is.

17:44 The Diamond Dogs finally have it dawn on them that they should grow a pair and stand up to Rarity, and I like this development even though I hope they fail miserably and hilariously.

18:06. Oh. SHIT.

One of these dumbasses made the mistake of calling Rarity a mule and smacking her ass in an attempt to get her to pull the cart. If this weren't a kids' show I'd be fairly certain that the offending Diamond Dog would be reduced to a crater in the spot where he once stood, but let's see how this actually plays out.

18:50 So Rarity starts the waterworks up because she feels that she's ugly since the Diamond Dog reffered to her as a "mule", but I'm pretty sure this is yet another ploy.

19:00 Rarity's sobbing and crying is even worse to the Dogs than the whining, and they've reached their limit. I really hope this is a ploy on Rarity's part, she was owning them up to this point and I'd hate to see her achieve victory out of sheer narcissism alone.

19:32 Oh right, there are other, lesser, not-Rarity ponies. And they get themselves captured by loudly announcing their intentions to rescue Rarity. Fortunately Applejack initiates a counter by telling the others to buck their captors off. This is why Applejack was best pony. Nothing wrong with 2nd place!

19:51 Turns out the bucking bronco treatment was super effective! Nice job.

20:04 Spike tries to ride Twilight as his personal steed before the rescue attempt and she gives him some withering side-eye. "Just give me this, okay?"

And she does, haha

Opal, you better watch out, seriously.

20:15 AND SHE RESCUED HERSELF JUST LIKE I WANTED YUSSSSSSSSSSSSS

20:44 Rarity is going to saunter outta there with cartloads of jewels, leaving the traumatized Diamond Dogs in her wake and not giving one. Single. Fuck.

21:05 "I had them wrapped around my hoof the entire time!" The crying was part of her plan, like I thought. Rarity, ladies and gentlemen.

21:21 "Just somepony is ladylike doesn't make her weak. In fact, by using her wits, a seemingly defenseless pony can be the one who outwits and outshines them all!"

BEST. LESSON. EVER.

No, seriously, this is the best lesson this season, and it mostly makes up for that bullshit aesop from "Feeling Pinky Keen". Thank you.

TL;DR

Final Thoughts

Well, shit! This episode is the best yet, seriously. My shameless Rarity bias is admittedly a factor, but when combined with a strong lesson, character-based humor, and challenging villains, there's really little that compares to it up to this point, at least as far as I'm concerned. Make one'a these for the rest of the cast and this show might finally start proving why the fans like it as much as they do.

That's all for now! See you next time for Green Isn't Your Color!

- Apathy Pony

S01 E15: "Feeling Pinkie Keen"

S01 E15: “Feeling Pinkie Keen”

‘Nother day, ‘nother review! Hurray for consistency! Despite enraging behavior from main ponies not named Rarity, I rather enjoyed the last episode, and I hope to enjoy this one just as much. Will I? Won’t I? I haven’t the slightest clue, but I’m hoping for the former. It’s so much easier to write these things when the episodes are enjoyable. Anyway, enough blathering, on with the review!

What I Liked

00:49 So the episode opens with Pinkie Pie being a total friggin’ weirdo while Spike is helping Twilight Sparkle practice some magic. I have to say, it’s amusing that “Pinkie Pie” is being used as an adjective to describe nonsensical behavior in-universe.

01:12 “Pinkie Sense” is the most specific sense ever. Also, what exactly is that hat supposed to protect her from? I swear…

02:15 I like how utterly disgusted Twilight looks to have a frog anywhere in her general vicinity.

02:35 Twilight tries throwing some sarcasm-laced shade at Pinkie, but she just deflects it with cheerfulness and Twilight looks just. So. Pissed. Love it.

03:18 Pinkie makes yet another accurate falling-object related prediction thanks to her Pinkie Sense, with said falling object being the skeptical Twilight Sparkle. Spike is super impressed by this, and Twilight is having none of it. I’m actually not entirely sure where this is going, but I have a feeling that it’ll end with a lesson about healthy (NOT ARBITRARY) skepticism. Which, you know, GOOD.

03:38 The mere mention of Twitching Tails gets Applejack to duck under a kiosk cart, which means Pinkie Sense has been established in Ponyville as a legit thing. Seriously want to see where they go with this.

04:07 Pinkie’s “flopping ears” = muddy Twilight Sparkle. How far does this rabbit hole go? Is Pinkie Pie psychic? DOES SHE HAVE POWERS? PLEASE LET HER HAVE POWERS

04:32 ALLIGATOR IN THE TUB WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK OMG LOLOLOL also, Pinkie Pie does have powers in the form of tells that manifest physical reactions. What.

04:44 Pinkie Pie has a pet alligator with no teeth. Named “Gummy”. That bites her. A lot. Okay, I can see why the fandom likes Pinkie Pie. Rarity is still best pony. :|

04:58 PINKIE PIE CALLS OUT HTE FACT THAT TWILIGHT'S MAGIC IS NO LESS RIDICULOUS THAN PINKIE'S SENSES

YES

YES

05:56 Pinkie can get multiple reactions which she calls “Combos”, and now I want some, Pepperoni Flavored.

06:15 Okay, so Pinkie Pie calls out Twilight on not understanding her ability and Twilight ACTUALLY DECIDES TO STUDY IT. Is MLP trying to teach children about the scientific method in a show that explicitly has magic in it’s universe and the title? Well it wouldn’t be a first.

07:28 Pinkie Pie has said “Okie Dokie Loki” twice now, and that cannot be a coincidence. Or it is, and I simply don’t give a shit anyway.

08:33 Are prop costumes going to be a thing now? This is getting awfully Loony Tunes...

08:50 Gon' on and point out that hypocrisy Spike, you have to earn your place back from Opal somehow.

08:54 Apparently stalking with binoculars, a pencil and a pith helmet = SCIENCE

10:44 TWILIGHT YOU ARE IN FUCKING TRACTION IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS

11:37 These facial expressions are priceless. And hilarious. 

13:24 Oh, right, Spike has a crush on Fluttershy, that's why he's all worried. That'll probably get followed up on NEVER

14:20 Twilight...so smug. NOT FOR LONG

14:53 IT'S ABOUT TIME WE GOT ANOTHER GODDAMN MONSTER! I wonder what they will call it...probably Swamp Hydra if "Diamond Tiara", "Silver Spoon", and "Snails" are anything to go by, 

15:01 They just call it "Hydra". Mmk. 

21:10 AND PRINCESS CELESTIAL PICKS UP HER LETTER PERSONALLY, BECAUSE FUCK IT, WHY NOT

What I Hated

05:58 So Twilight’s whole dismissal of Pinkie’s ability is based on the fact that it’s an involuntary reaction? LIKE CUTIE MARKS?! Shut the fuck up, Twilight.

07:00 Okay, now it seems like the lesson is going to be about faith, and this is VERY shaky ground to stand on. Don’t fuck it up show, especially when you just invoked science as a legit way to investigate the unknown.

15:58 Twilight, why didn't you teleport Spike to you with magic instead of running TOWARDS THE RAMPAGING HYDRA TO SAVE HIM

FOR FUCK'S SAKE

16:10 ARE YOU REALLY FRETTING ABOUT ALL THESE ROCK PILLARS YOU CAN FLY OVER TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE, FLUTTERSHY
 

17:00 What would a "brave" pony like Rainbow Dash do? The stupid thing you did earlier and are about to do again. Goddamnit, Twilight.

17:46 NO SERIOUSLY, YOU AREN'T TELEPORTING TO SAFETY BECAUSE WHY

18:42 YOU WERE DOING SO WELL EPISODE, WTF

20:10 AND NOW WE ARE OFF THE RAILS FOLKS, THE LESSON IS "HAVE FAITH, LOGIC IS FOR SUCKERS"

Final Thoughts

Well, fuck. An episode with some decent gags, a good (but unwarranted) chase scene, and lovely animation is UTTERLY FUCKED OVER by it's shit-lesson. The moral, which is to believe in strange things for REASONS, is pretty terrible coming from a non-religious cartoon and stinks of anti-intellectualism, which is the last thing kids need to be gleaning from their entertainment as far as I'm concerned. Other than that, the episode continues the steady increase in quality. I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen a lot, because it's something I'd consider a pretty glaring flaw in an otherwise decent kids' show. Anyway show's over, time to eat!

See you next time for...Sonic Rainboom? Ugh...

- Apathy Pony

S01 E14: "Suited For Success"

S01 E14: Suited For Success

RARITY EPISODE ALERT! RARITY EPISODE ALERT!RARITY EPISODE ALERT!

It's about fucking time! It's like the show knew in advance about all the bitching I just did in the 13th episode update. I'm going to be experimenting with the format again-- I'm going to include timestamps so it's a little more clear about when in the episode I had a comment or whatever. This may be annoying! And if so?

t o o b a d

What I Liked

00:08 I like this drawing Rarity did. I knew she had something of an artistic streak since she's a fashion designer and whatnot, and drawing is part of that, but it's still nice to see. I hope she makes other pieces in the future that aren't related to her clothing designs. 

00:16 Of course Rarity has a cat. Of course she does.

00:45 Rarity, your cat  hates you so much and you don't even know. Also, glasses? That was unexpected-- and red doesn't suit her at all. >_>

01:45 OH RARITY IS TRYING TO CONCENTRATE LET'S KEEP TALKING AND DISTRACTING THE FUCK OUT OF HER SHE WON'T MIND

02:06 OH MY GOD CONTINUITY! They mentioned the Grand Galloping Gala...wait has it been a year in-universe already? 

03:24 IDEA HALO

03:54 Rarity is going to burn herself out trying to make all these fucking dresses, isn't she? 

04:31 DAT FACE THO

When are they going to name this friggin' cat?

6:11 Okay, these dresses are actually pretty fucking cool looking! I'll be interested to see how they look on their respective owners.

07:36 Applejack, your status as best pony is hereby terminated. Rarity is now Best Pony. Anybody that can put up with this level of bullshit and offer to go back to design and make more dresses for free deserves top spot.

07:43 As of now, Fluttershy is exempt from the tirade below by being gracious enough to accept the dress as is, which looks fine. 

08:07 Poor Rarity...and that cat is not giving one single fuck, lol

08:12 Damn, you know she workin' hard when her hair ain't on point. 

09:17 Okay, on one hand, Fluttershy totally put Rarity on blast about her revised dress, but she, like, aggressively tried to spare her feelings, so I ain't gonna hate. 

11:53 Okay, so that cat's name is Opal, got it. I bet Rarity's own dress isn't even going to be done on time 'cause she too busy stressing herself out over these other ponies' ratchet-ass shit-dresses. Even worse, Rarity knows they look like crap, so you can bet the others are going to love them. Ugh...

 12:08 omfg, we ain't even seen these dresses yes and they got Opal hissin' at 'em an' shit

12:14 Spike you better do some amazing-ass shit the next time you show up, because Opal is gunning for your spot as favorite supporting character, and she is winning. Even a cat who may not have the same level of sentience as ponies knows these dresses are booty butt-cheeks.

12:46 Oh my God. Oh my FUCKING GOD SPIKE WHY DID YOU DO THAT NOW HOITY TOITY IS GONNA SEE THESE WHACK-ASS UGLY DRESSES AND THINK THEY'RE RARITY'S DESIGNS, OMG THAT POOR PONY IS GOING TO DIE OF SHAME

(or he'll love them as some kind of twist, but I really want to be surprised for once)

12:56 look, she's mortified 'cause she knows what's up

13:09 Just wanted to say the backgrounds are once again gorgeous after that bullshit we got in Fall Weather Friends. 

13:20 Don't know why Kanye West was the first thing to come to mind when I saw Hoity Toity, but it was. 

14:15 They are totally milking this reveal and I don't even mind. 

14:18 This. This? THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU PONIES WANTED INSTEAD OF THOSE GORGEOUSLY DESIGNED DRESSES IN ACT 1

THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

On the other hand, Rarity's logo is pretty nice looking.

14:57 AND HE HATES THEM! Thank you show, for subverting my expectations. KEEP DOING THAT

15:01  "These amateurish designs look like a piled on mish-mash of everything but the kitchen sink!"

And then Rarity tries to slide a kitchen sink behind a curtain on the low. That shouldn't have been funny.

BUT IT WAS HAHAHA

15:23 :Spike, I know you mean well, and that's fine, BUT  PLEASE SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH OH GOD POOR RARITY

15:36  OH NOW YOU REALIZED YOU HAVE TERRIBLE FUCKING TASTE TOO BAD IT CAME AFTER YOU HUMILIATED YOUR FRIEND WITH YOUR SELFISH BULLSHIT WAY TO GO

16:17  Rarity, you over-dramatic as hell right now, but you totally earned it. 

16:40 

AJ: "Well we can't leave Rarity like this!"

PP: "She'll become a crazy cat lady!"

TS: "She only has one cat."

PP: "Give her time..."

WHY CAN'T THE SHOW ALWAYS BE THIS AMUSING?! PLEASE GOD LET IT BECOME THIS AMUSING AND STAY AS SUCH FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES

What I Hated

03:15 HERE COMES RAINBOW DASH TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP AGAIN, God does she ever not cause property damage in her appearances? I don't care enough to go back and look, so I'm going to assume yes. 

04:27 HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH ANOTHER GODDAMN SONG-- meh, at least she's singing to herself, that's a normal thing to do when working to pass the time.

BUT I DON'T LIKE IT ANYWAY

LISTEN TO ME SING ALL THE THINGS GOING ON IN THIS MONTAGE THAT WAS ESTABLISHED IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE

SHUT UP

07:20 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This is so egregious that it made me use all caps, bold, and italics. Not what you expected? Why didn't you give her more input if you wanted something specific?! And of course Rainbow Dash is completely ungrateful. FUCK YOU ALL.

I think they look good. AND MINE IS THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS

EVER

09:27 Here go Twilight Sparkle, being obnoxious as FUCK about all her demands. Seriously, Rarity, if you told them all to go fuck themselves, nobody would mind. 

10:16  I would not be singing all this shit Rarity is, I would be screaming it incoherently while magikinetically brandishing a pair of sewing scissors towards the lot of them.

11:14  "It needs to be 20% 'cooler'" SHUT THE FUCK UP RAINBOW DASH CLIENTS LIKE YOU ARE THE WORST

20:30  So an apology and a new fashion show for Hoity Toity later and the status quo is restored!

Yay.

But for reals, all of this could have been avoided if you had JUST WORN THE ORIGINAL DESIGNS IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE

Final Thoughts

I know I used a lot of ALL CAPS in this review, and, well, I don't feel bad about that at all. BUT! I will say that this is by fucking far the best episode of Season 1 up to this point. If the series can keep up this level of quality then I'd consider that quite the achievement, to say nothing of actually improving further. Fingers crossed, for reals. Oh, and Rarity is new best pony, the other five can choke.

See you next time for Feeling Pinky Keen!

- Apathy Pony