S01 E16: "Sonic Rainboom"

S01 E16: "Sonic Rainboom"

Ugh, lovely-- I can tell just from the title this is going to be a Rainbow Dash episode, and I am not particularly fond of her. Dash is brash, self-centered, destructive and generally annoying as far as I'm concerned. I will keep my expectations low-- I know my opinions of the characters seem to turn on a dime, but if some of them would stop being written to be assholes out of nowhere, it wouldn't happen so often. Also, I decided to get rid of the sections detailing what I liked and hated about an episode specifically, since that should be pretty clear through images and what I'm saying anyway.

Okay, intro over. Review time is NOW

So This Happened, Then This Happened

00:25 "Yay." lol

00:37 So Rainbow Dash is teaching Fluttershy how to cheer, and this was the worst idea ever from the start-- hilariously so. Why not Pinkie Pie, she's loud, cheerful, and never shuts the fuck-- Oh.

00:44 Wow, these teaser segments are getting shorter and shorter, and this one in particular didn't set up the premise for the episode at all. I'm not exactly opposed to it, but what's the point if you're not gonna set things up? May as well run the intro and go straight to the episode after the commercials.

02:15 Fluttershy continues to cheer terribly, but the real star of the show just now was the animation. I actually forgot the show was done in Flash for a couple seconds there, it was really good, considering. We've come a long way from Mucha Lucha!, that's for sure.

02:20 Twilight is thanking the other main ponies who aren't Dash and Fluttershy for helping her clean up her books, but in the background it looks like they just haphazardly threw them on the shelves. I wonder if that background was recycled...it looks good tho'.

02:29 I didn't even bother to guess, I just KNEW Dash was going to fuck up their hard work, as usual. Start subverting this, show!

02:36 Get the fuck out of here Fluttershy, your cheering couldn't fog up a cold window, let alone demolish a library, lol

03:41 Poor Fluttershy, Dash is basically shitting all over her cheering ability and telling the other ponies she'd rather have them supporting her at the competition while Fluttershy is RIGHT THERE. If Dash doesn't get humbled and learn a lesson about not being a dick to your supportive friends, I'll be severely annoyed.

04:10 So Rainbow Dash is from Clydesdale? I wonder how she ended up in Ponyville...I BET HER SONIC RAINBOOM IS A FAKE AND SHE LEFT TOWN TO HIDE IT BECAUSE SHE'S A FUCKIN' FRAUD or something like that.

04:44 So Dash flew in, fucked everything up, and leaves without even offering to fix her mess.

TYPICAL

05:03 Rarity wants Twilight to come up with a spell to get wingless ponies in to Clydesdale? I'd want one to clean up that friggin' mess, personaly...

05:25 Okay, I like this assertive new Rarity here, I hope she sticks around. I can definitely see more of the comparisons of her to Cordeila from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in this particular moment.

05:45 You know, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle isn't the only Unicorn in the group. Why don't you do some damn magic for once?

06:23 Of course they cut to commercial before revealing what exactly the spell did...Goddamn that's annoying. But at least it worked? We'll see.

06:35 So is it Clydesdale or Cloudsdale? I might be hearing it wrong and I don't have internet where I am...anyway, this place looks like Dash's house, which makes a lot of sense. Lots of Greek columns and shit like that...not bad.

06:40 So we're introduced to some Pegasuars who seem to be even douchier than Rainbow Dash-- Is this a Cloudsdale thing? It would explain a lot. I wonder how many people from Ponyville are transplants anyway...

07:02 KNEW IT! The new asshole ponies insinuate that Dash got kicked outta flight school and that the Sonic Rainboom was "an old mare's tale". This actually explains her tendency to overcompensate. Doesn't forgive it, but hey, it's an explaination.

07:57 Wow, Rainbow Dash is actually freaking out about not being able to do the Sonic Rainboom in front of a crowd! I wish I could be more sympathetic, too bad about all the BUILT UP ANIMOSITY OVER 15 EPISODES

08:12 RARITY HAS FAIRY WINGS AND SHE SHOULD KEEP THEM FOREVER AND EVER

08:32 The balloon from the intro is being piloted by the rest of the group! I was wondering when that thing would be seen again outside the intro...wait, was it seen before outside the intro? I don't even remember. I bet it has it's own Wikia page though, so it's not like I can't look it up. >_>

09:18 Wait, so is Fluttershy from Cloudsdale too? Ugh, stop making me want to google things, show!

09:48 Apparently the other Pegaweh think the wings suit Rarity as well. They really should let her keep them...

10:08 Weather factory? Weather. Factory. WEATHER FACTORY?! fosdjkfnaocvoajfcvofcvpakscv

10:35 Individually-made snowflakes and this idea is seeming stupider and stupider, which is impressive in itself since it's already pretty damn dumb.

10:54 The rainbows in Equestria are a liquid at the start, apparently. Pinkie Pie decides to literally taste the
rainbow (tm), and guess what? Rainbows taste like burning.

lol

12:28 Okay Rarity, the wings are awesome and all (really), but maybe stop making Dash feel inadequate, mmk? I mean it's nice that the shoe is on the other hoof with her for once, but there is such a thing as being over-exposed. Also, those wings are probably going to dissolve if you keep exposing them to the sun since they're made of morning dew and something something temporary. Falling through the clouds to your death? Not cute.

13:02 *sighs* FINE, show, I'll feel a little bit bad for Rainbow Dash. Rarity, you are squandering the cool points you earned in the last episode, pleas don't. :(

13:19 Derpy Hooves in her first (easily noticable) fully derped appearance! Was she a thing in the fandom by this point or is this where it started?

13:45 Great, Princess Trollestia is here. Ha-rumph. >:|

15:01 So Dash is freaking out even harder and swapping her number with the other contestants to delay the inevitable. Sometimes having empathy is annoying.

15:25 Rarity...not cute. At all. Gurl, you lookin' ratchet as FUCK with what you got on. SMH

17:13 So Dash and Rarity ended up having to perform at the same time; Rarity is performing flawlessly and Dash is fucking up in equal measure-- so lemme guess. Rarity is going to get her wings damaged, and Dash will end up pulling off the Sonic Rainboom in her effort to save Rarity from plummeting to the ground and exploding in chunky pony salsa.

17:55 Um, no Twilight, her wings did not evaporate, they burned. Morning Dew BURNED.

THE FUCK

18:10 The Wonderbolts actually make the first attempt to save Rarity, but she accidentally beats the shit out of them in a flailing panic. This feels like one of those details an earlier writer would have missed, and I'm glad they covered it.

19:08 So things pretty much played out exactly the way I expected them to. I have a feeling that Dash will have learned nothing about being a nicer pony and will continue her douchery for the foreseable future. :|

19:33 Rarity apologizes, still best pony.

20:43 Dash won the contest, but who didn't see that coming? Celestia presented her the award and wasn't annoying or anything. I hope this is a trend that continues.

21:32 So the douche-ponies get their comeuppance, and Dash takes off into the sun with the Wonderbolts. Woo.

Final Thoughts

Not a bad episode at all...mostly. I'd have liked it if Rainbow Dash actually learned something in her spotlight episode, but that went to Rarity for some reason. In any case, this episode had some of the best animation yet and the crazy facial expressions continue to get weirder and more amusing...good! I'm kind of annoyed that this season is so bottom-heavy with quality episodes, but it's certainly better than the drudgery of most of the earlier half of the season. The show has continued to improve, and I hope that trend doesn't end any time soon.

See you next time for...Stare Master? Huh.

-Apathy Pony

S01 E15: "Feeling Pinkie Keen"

S01 E15: “Feeling Pinkie Keen”

‘Nother day, ‘nother review! Hurray for consistency! Despite enraging behavior from main ponies not named Rarity, I rather enjoyed the last episode, and I hope to enjoy this one just as much. Will I? Won’t I? I haven’t the slightest clue, but I’m hoping for the former. It’s so much easier to write these things when the episodes are enjoyable. Anyway, enough blathering, on with the review!

What I Liked

00:49 So the episode opens with Pinkie Pie being a total friggin’ weirdo while Spike is helping Twilight Sparkle practice some magic. I have to say, it’s amusing that “Pinkie Pie” is being used as an adjective to describe nonsensical behavior in-universe.

01:12 “Pinkie Sense” is the most specific sense ever. Also, what exactly is that hat supposed to protect her from? I swear…

02:15 I like how utterly disgusted Twilight looks to have a frog anywhere in her general vicinity.

02:35 Twilight tries throwing some sarcasm-laced shade at Pinkie, but she just deflects it with cheerfulness and Twilight looks just. So. Pissed. Love it.

03:18 Pinkie makes yet another accurate falling-object related prediction thanks to her Pinkie Sense, with said falling object being the skeptical Twilight Sparkle. Spike is super impressed by this, and Twilight is having none of it. I’m actually not entirely sure where this is going, but I have a feeling that it’ll end with a lesson about healthy (NOT ARBITRARY) skepticism. Which, you know, GOOD.

03:38 The mere mention of Twitching Tails gets Applejack to duck under a kiosk cart, which means Pinkie Sense has been established in Ponyville as a legit thing. Seriously want to see where they go with this.

04:07 Pinkie’s “flopping ears” = muddy Twilight Sparkle. How far does this rabbit hole go? Is Pinkie Pie psychic? DOES SHE HAVE POWERS? PLEASE LET HER HAVE POWERS

04:32 ALLIGATOR IN THE TUB WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK OMG LOLOLOL also, Pinkie Pie does have powers in the form of tells that manifest physical reactions. What.

04:44 Pinkie Pie has a pet alligator with no teeth. Named “Gummy”. That bites her. A lot. Okay, I can see why the fandom likes Pinkie Pie. Rarity is still best pony. :|

04:58 PINKIE PIE CALLS OUT HTE FACT THAT TWILIGHT'S MAGIC IS NO LESS RIDICULOUS THAN PINKIE'S SENSES

YES

YES

05:56 Pinkie can get multiple reactions which she calls “Combos”, and now I want some, Pepperoni Flavored.

06:15 Okay, so Pinkie Pie calls out Twilight on not understanding her ability and Twilight ACTUALLY DECIDES TO STUDY IT. Is MLP trying to teach children about the scientific method in a show that explicitly has magic in it’s universe and the title? Well it wouldn’t be a first.

07:28 Pinkie Pie has said “Okie Dokie Loki” twice now, and that cannot be a coincidence. Or it is, and I simply don’t give a shit anyway.

08:33 Are prop costumes going to be a thing now? This is getting awfully Loony Tunes...

08:50 Gon' on and point out that hypocrisy Spike, you have to earn your place back from Opal somehow.

08:54 Apparently stalking with binoculars, a pencil and a pith helmet = SCIENCE

10:44 TWILIGHT YOU ARE IN FUCKING TRACTION IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS

11:37 These facial expressions are priceless. And hilarious. 

13:24 Oh, right, Spike has a crush on Fluttershy, that's why he's all worried. That'll probably get followed up on NEVER

14:20 Twilight...so smug. NOT FOR LONG

14:53 IT'S ABOUT TIME WE GOT ANOTHER GODDAMN MONSTER! I wonder what they will call it...probably Swamp Hydra if "Diamond Tiara", "Silver Spoon", and "Snails" are anything to go by, 

15:01 They just call it "Hydra". Mmk. 

21:10 AND PRINCESS CELESTIAL PICKS UP HER LETTER PERSONALLY, BECAUSE FUCK IT, WHY NOT

What I Hated

05:58 So Twilight’s whole dismissal of Pinkie’s ability is based on the fact that it’s an involuntary reaction? LIKE CUTIE MARKS?! Shut the fuck up, Twilight.

07:00 Okay, now it seems like the lesson is going to be about faith, and this is VERY shaky ground to stand on. Don’t fuck it up show, especially when you just invoked science as a legit way to investigate the unknown.

15:58 Twilight, why didn't you teleport Spike to you with magic instead of running TOWARDS THE RAMPAGING HYDRA TO SAVE HIM

FOR FUCK'S SAKE

16:10 ARE YOU REALLY FRETTING ABOUT ALL THESE ROCK PILLARS YOU CAN FLY OVER TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE, FLUTTERSHY
 

17:00 What would a "brave" pony like Rainbow Dash do? The stupid thing you did earlier and are about to do again. Goddamnit, Twilight.

17:46 NO SERIOUSLY, YOU AREN'T TELEPORTING TO SAFETY BECAUSE WHY

18:42 YOU WERE DOING SO WELL EPISODE, WTF

20:10 AND NOW WE ARE OFF THE RAILS FOLKS, THE LESSON IS "HAVE FAITH, LOGIC IS FOR SUCKERS"

Final Thoughts

Well, fuck. An episode with some decent gags, a good (but unwarranted) chase scene, and lovely animation is UTTERLY FUCKED OVER by it's shit-lesson. The moral, which is to believe in strange things for REASONS, is pretty terrible coming from a non-religious cartoon and stinks of anti-intellectualism, which is the last thing kids need to be gleaning from their entertainment as far as I'm concerned. Other than that, the episode continues the steady increase in quality. I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen a lot, because it's something I'd consider a pretty glaring flaw in an otherwise decent kids' show. Anyway show's over, time to eat!

See you next time for...Sonic Rainboom? Ugh...

- Apathy Pony

S01 E14: "Suited For Success"

S01 E14: Suited For Success

RARITY EPISODE ALERT! RARITY EPISODE ALERT!RARITY EPISODE ALERT!

It's about fucking time! It's like the show knew in advance about all the bitching I just did in the 13th episode update. I'm going to be experimenting with the format again-- I'm going to include timestamps so it's a little more clear about when in the episode I had a comment or whatever. This may be annoying! And if so?

t o o b a d

What I Liked

00:08 I like this drawing Rarity did. I knew she had something of an artistic streak since she's a fashion designer and whatnot, and drawing is part of that, but it's still nice to see. I hope she makes other pieces in the future that aren't related to her clothing designs. 

00:16 Of course Rarity has a cat. Of course she does.

00:45 Rarity, your cat  hates you so much and you don't even know. Also, glasses? That was unexpected-- and red doesn't suit her at all. >_>

01:45 OH RARITY IS TRYING TO CONCENTRATE LET'S KEEP TALKING AND DISTRACTING THE FUCK OUT OF HER SHE WON'T MIND

02:06 OH MY GOD CONTINUITY! They mentioned the Grand Galloping Gala...wait has it been a year in-universe already? 

03:24 IDEA HALO

03:54 Rarity is going to burn herself out trying to make all these fucking dresses, isn't she? 

04:31 DAT FACE THO

When are they going to name this friggin' cat?

6:11 Okay, these dresses are actually pretty fucking cool looking! I'll be interested to see how they look on their respective owners.

07:36 Applejack, your status as best pony is hereby terminated. Rarity is now Best Pony. Anybody that can put up with this level of bullshit and offer to go back to design and make more dresses for free deserves top spot.

07:43 As of now, Fluttershy is exempt from the tirade below by being gracious enough to accept the dress as is, which looks fine. 

08:07 Poor Rarity...and that cat is not giving one single fuck, lol

08:12 Damn, you know she workin' hard when her hair ain't on point. 

09:17 Okay, on one hand, Fluttershy totally put Rarity on blast about her revised dress, but she, like, aggressively tried to spare her feelings, so I ain't gonna hate. 

11:53 Okay, so that cat's name is Opal, got it. I bet Rarity's own dress isn't even going to be done on time 'cause she too busy stressing herself out over these other ponies' ratchet-ass shit-dresses. Even worse, Rarity knows they look like crap, so you can bet the others are going to love them. Ugh...

 12:08 omfg, we ain't even seen these dresses yes and they got Opal hissin' at 'em an' shit

12:14 Spike you better do some amazing-ass shit the next time you show up, because Opal is gunning for your spot as favorite supporting character, and she is winning. Even a cat who may not have the same level of sentience as ponies knows these dresses are booty butt-cheeks.

12:46 Oh my God. Oh my FUCKING GOD SPIKE WHY DID YOU DO THAT NOW HOITY TOITY IS GONNA SEE THESE WHACK-ASS UGLY DRESSES AND THINK THEY'RE RARITY'S DESIGNS, OMG THAT POOR PONY IS GOING TO DIE OF SHAME

(or he'll love them as some kind of twist, but I really want to be surprised for once)

12:56 look, she's mortified 'cause she knows what's up

13:09 Just wanted to say the backgrounds are once again gorgeous after that bullshit we got in Fall Weather Friends. 

13:20 Don't know why Kanye West was the first thing to come to mind when I saw Hoity Toity, but it was. 

14:15 They are totally milking this reveal and I don't even mind. 

14:18 This. This? THIS?! THIS IS WHAT YOU PONIES WANTED INSTEAD OF THOSE GORGEOUSLY DESIGNED DRESSES IN ACT 1

THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

On the other hand, Rarity's logo is pretty nice looking.

14:57 AND HE HATES THEM! Thank you show, for subverting my expectations. KEEP DOING THAT

15:01  "These amateurish designs look like a piled on mish-mash of everything but the kitchen sink!"

And then Rarity tries to slide a kitchen sink behind a curtain on the low. That shouldn't have been funny.

BUT IT WAS HAHAHA

15:23 :Spike, I know you mean well, and that's fine, BUT  PLEASE SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH OH GOD POOR RARITY

15:36  OH NOW YOU REALIZED YOU HAVE TERRIBLE FUCKING TASTE TOO BAD IT CAME AFTER YOU HUMILIATED YOUR FRIEND WITH YOUR SELFISH BULLSHIT WAY TO GO

16:17  Rarity, you over-dramatic as hell right now, but you totally earned it. 

16:40 

AJ: "Well we can't leave Rarity like this!"

PP: "She'll become a crazy cat lady!"

TS: "She only has one cat."

PP: "Give her time..."

WHY CAN'T THE SHOW ALWAYS BE THIS AMUSING?! PLEASE GOD LET IT BECOME THIS AMUSING AND STAY AS SUCH FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES

What I Hated

03:15 HERE COMES RAINBOW DASH TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP AGAIN, God does she ever not cause property damage in her appearances? I don't care enough to go back and look, so I'm going to assume yes. 

04:27 HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH ANOTHER GODDAMN SONG-- meh, at least she's singing to herself, that's a normal thing to do when working to pass the time.

BUT I DON'T LIKE IT ANYWAY

LISTEN TO ME SING ALL THE THINGS GOING ON IN THIS MONTAGE THAT WAS ESTABLISHED IN THE PREVIOUS SCENE

SHUT UP

07:20 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This is so egregious that it made me use all caps, bold, and italics. Not what you expected? Why didn't you give her more input if you wanted something specific?! And of course Rainbow Dash is completely ungrateful. FUCK YOU ALL.

I think they look good. AND MINE IS THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS

EVER

09:27 Here go Twilight Sparkle, being obnoxious as FUCK about all her demands. Seriously, Rarity, if you told them all to go fuck themselves, nobody would mind. 

10:16  I would not be singing all this shit Rarity is, I would be screaming it incoherently while magikinetically brandishing a pair of sewing scissors towards the lot of them.

11:14  "It needs to be 20% 'cooler'" SHUT THE FUCK UP RAINBOW DASH CLIENTS LIKE YOU ARE THE WORST

20:30  So an apology and a new fashion show for Hoity Toity later and the status quo is restored!

Yay.

But for reals, all of this could have been avoided if you had JUST WORN THE ORIGINAL DESIGNS IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE

Final Thoughts

I know I used a lot of ALL CAPS in this review, and, well, I don't feel bad about that at all. BUT! I will say that this is by fucking far the best episode of Season 1 up to this point. If the series can keep up this level of quality then I'd consider that quite the achievement, to say nothing of actually improving further. Fingers crossed, for reals. Oh, and Rarity is new best pony, the other five can choke.

See you next time for Feeling Pinky Keen!

- Apathy Pony