Tuesday, July 30, 2013

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 2

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 2

Read S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1 here.

More MLP. FUCK. Here we go...

So we're back from  the capitalist indoctrination sequence, and Twilight Sparkle, Applejack and Rarity have their hair in curlers, which I assume they put in using Rarity and Twilight's magic.

Can we pause for a minute? Seriously, why don't all ponies have those magic horns? I mean, just from an evolutionary standpoint, you'd think they'd all have them if they're able to build such complex dwellings and shit without the use of opposable thumbs. Whatever.

Anyway, they take out their curlers and Twilight checks "Makeovers" off the Official Fun List and says it's time for ghost stories. Rarity and Applejack all but throw out the truce they made moments ago in order to suggest stories about ghosts that do the things they find annoying about each other.

Ya know, I really liked AJ at first, but she's really coming off as kind of a petty bitch in this episode. Is this gonna be a thing? Please don't let it be a thing. I like Applejack. I want to keep liking Applejack. Don't make her into a figurative nag, please.

"This is the tale of The Haunted Glue Factory..."

Moving on, lightning strikes the non-existant power lines and the lights go out, just in time for Twilight to suggest the story of The Headless Horse, which she begins to tell.

We don't hear the whole thing, but apparently it's scary as shit because Rarity and AJ forgot to be douchey to each other long enough to huddle together in fear...but only briefly.

The sound of a lightswitch is heard, even though there's no electric power infrastructure in Ponyville, and Twilight crosses ghost stories off the list and moves on to S'mores. They make some S'mores and AJ greedily eats one, then burps. Rarity gives her shit for a perceived lack of manners, but Applejack tells her that she interrupted her before she could excuse herself.

Now that S'mores is off the list, Twilight says it's time for Truth or Dare, and you just know some shit is about to go down. I feel kind of bad for Twilight because I think this is the first time she's actually been shown having actual fun with her friends. Usually you see her working or giving orders or some shit, which is weird, because there was a  Mayor of Ponyville and everything--


Things go about the way you'd expect-- AJ and Rarity dare each other to be more like themselves in a cunty way until Twilight says they have to follow the rules. Applecjack gets first blood by daring Rarity to go out in the rain and get her mane wet. Weave ruined, Rarity comes back inside and dares Applejack to dress up in a frilly frou-frou dress, which she does, somehow, because Twilight Sparkle totally has one of those just laying around.

The two of them go back to giving bitchy dares to each other until Twilight basically gets sick of their shit and decides to move on to the next ofder of busines-- fun.

Twilight checks out the book,and, uh oh--pillow fight. Twilight has no idea what this "pillow fight" could possibly consist of, but Rarity knows she wants nothing to do with it. One ballistic pillow to the face courtesy of Applejack later and she has sworn vengeance.

Twilight picks up on what a pillow fight is as AJ and rarity volley conveniently placed mounds of pillows at each other's heads, concluding that it would be fun just in time to be caught in the crossfire. Twilight pleads with them to tone it down some, but neither are willing to relent, causing Twilight to just say "Fuck it, let's just call it a night."

So everybody is finally in bed, you'd think they could at least sleep in peace, but no-- Rarity and AJ start fighting over who's hogging the blanket, which leads to them fighting over how best to make the bed. All this reaches a boiling point when Twilight can't take anymore and tells them to cut the shit.

Twilight reminds them that the Number One thing you're supposed to do at a slumber party is have fun, and that these two bickering bitches have ruined everything from start to finish. She asks what else could possibly go wrong and lightning strikes a nearby tree outside, making her sorry she asked.

Well, everything's totally fucked and we have 7 minutes left of show left. How will they revert things back to the status quo?

To be continued in S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 3!

Sunday, July 28, 2013

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1

Time for another friggin' review of a My Little Pony episode! Let's go. 

Okay, so we open at...I dunno, a park or something? A bunch of ponies and Derpy Hooves are helping to set up a rainstorm and clear the area of loose branches. Among the helpers are Applejack and Rarity. Rarity uses her magic to repair a branch and sculpt the leaves into pony shapes, but her effort is in vain-- Applejack kicks the shit outta the tree and the branch falls down again. The two of them really get into it over each other's personalities, which is weird, since Rarity only recently seemed to have gained one. 

AJ: What the hell? You're taking forever! The storm we have scheduled is going to start any minute and here you are fucking around being Edward Scissorhooves.

R: Well it's not my fault y'all are uglying everything up! Look at all this shit on the ground! At least I can make things look good while I help out. 

AJ: Yeah, um, not so much. If that's what you call being useful, you'd have been better off staying at home.

R: ...Don't make me cut you, bitch.

And then it starts raining and Rarity freaks out because she doesn't want her weave to get wet. Applejack shows her a park bench she can hide under, but Rarity says it's too muddy to sit under. The two of them throw shade at each other some more until thunder scares the shit out of them and they agree to look for some proper shelter.

So after the opening credits, we come back to see AJ under the bench with dirty ass hooves and Rarity is just standing in the rain like a jackass, complain-ifying. This is made all the more ridiculous when they hear Twilight Sparkle calling their names...

...from over here. Seriously? You're ponies! You have four fucking legs! Ponyville is so close that you can probably point to your own homes-- gallop your asses into a friggin' house, for God's sake!

So Applejack and Rarity wise up enough to go take shelter in Twilight's house. When they get there, Applejack points out that Twilight's house is a goddamn tree, and Twilight says she's got a magical lightning rod that keeps her house from being demolished and immolated. AJ and Rarity decide that this is better shelter than a park bench and decide to come in...until Rarity points out Applejack's muddy hooves. 

R: Hey, um, maybe don't track your dirty-ass hooves all over Twilight's floor? It's good manners--not that you have any.

Applejack begrudgingly agrees to do so, while uttering a bunch of words that add up to calling Rarity a cunt. Meanwhile, Twilight notes that the two of them live quite a bit far from where they are now, and offers to let the two of them stay the night, make it a sleep over and everything! Rarity is less than trilled with the idea of being stuck with Applejack over night, but she relents because what other choice does she have, besides potential pneumonia? 

Twilight breaks out her Official Slumber Party Fun Handbook or whatever, and shows it to Rarity, who says "fuck it, why not?" and they get down to having officially sanctioned fun. Later, AJ comes back, hooves all sparkling and glistenin' and shit, and kinda flips out when she sees Rarity and Twilight with some green shit allover their faces.

AJ: I just washed my hooves and here you bitches are putting mud on your faces? What was wrong with my mud? THE FUCK?!

And then Rarity condescendingly explains what a mud mask is, and Twilight says it's one of the things they have to do or they're not having Official Slumber Party Fun (TM). Rarity agrees, and snottily says that maybe Applejack should fuck off so she doesn't end up accidentally bitching up Twilight's first slumber party ever. AJ is about to go home, when more lightning strikes, and she decides to stay and put up with Rarity's cunt-fest...for now. 

To be continued in S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 2!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 3

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 3

Read S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 1 here.

Read S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 2 here.

Last part! Let's close this fucker out.

Alright, so right off the bat, Twilight Sparkle has the stupidest fucking plan I have ever. Ever! Apples? What the fuck are apples gonna do against a fire breathing dragon? It fills it's lungs with hate, and then you are dead. Also, shouldn't they have had Rainbow Dash clear the sky waaaaaaaaay earlier if that's all she came for? How is Rarity supposed to distract a dragon, accessorize it? Convince a dragon that it has to go away? What the fuck was Princess Celestia thinking?


So Twilight heads into the cave and it's not long before she realizes she's alone. She goes back, and tries to get Fluttershy to go back with her, but to no avail. Fluttershy meekly admits that she is scared of dragons, specifically. The other's bring up Spike and that motherfucking MANTICORE they faced down in the pilot episode, but she says those weren't full grown dragons, followed by NOPE and fucking off back home, I guess. 

Twilight goes into the cave alone after all while her backup cowers at the entrance. She reaches the dragon, and tries out her bullshit scheme to talk the dragon out of staying. It even looks like it'll work for a moment, but that's swiftly followed up with copious amounts of fail. 

Rarity says she's gonna give it a go herself, and it basically adds up to a bunch of brown-nosing while she tries to swipe some jewels. It goes about as well as you'd expect. 


Pinkie Pie's plan is this...

...Which results in this:

Rainbow Dash gets sick of all this ridiculousness and just charges into the cave and smacks the dragon on the snout as she tells it to GTFO. Naturally the dragon is pissed and knocks Dash right out of the cave and into the others, all of whom smash into a boulder, shattering it. Oh look who's still here!

Fluttershy sees that her friends have been hurt from the dragon, and her latent RAGE is triggered. She really lays into that dragon too, telling it to be more considerate of others when picking it's lair and shit like that. She ends up convincing it to leave, and the day is all saved and erry'thang! 

This would all be a lot more impressive if this wasn't the most pussified dragon I've ever seen. 

First of all, it only breaths smoke. What the fuck! Make it seem like an actual threat besides just looking scary. And then it whines like a toddler when it tells Fluttershy that Rainbow Dash hit it. 

What. A. Baby.

Yeah, so Twilight writes to Princess Trollestia about what went down, saying that it's good to have faith in your friends, sitcom closing credits laugh freeze frame, blah blah blah.

So that was Dragonshy! Not too shabby, over all. This episode looked great, the backgrounds were especially well done. Rarity got a little bit of development in this one, although I'm not exactly pleased that they decided to make her blatantly materialistic. There were a lot of laughs too, at least compared to the others in my opinion. I hope the show stays at or above this level of quality, it'll make for easier watching.

Alrighty, that's it for this review, see you next week for "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1!

-Apathy Pony

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 2

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 2

Read S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 1 here

Okay, so we're back from the commercial break, and the girls are startled by the sound of the dragon snoring like a jackhammer. Fluttershy is freaked out as expected, and Rainbow Dash decides she's gonna fly up there and check it out. Applejack is having none of her impulsive bullshit and says they're going to stick together because there's more safety in numbers. Dash is overwhelmed with butthurt, but they all begin to make their way to the peak. 

So they're climbin' and whatever, cracking jokes and shit, so of course Twilight goes all Buzz Killington and mentions that this is Serious Business and asks Fluttershy her thoughts on how to deal with the dragon. Cut to Fluttershy cowering at the base of the mountain, saying that it's too steep to climb. Rainbow Dash promptly points out that she has friggin' wings and to fly her ass up there with the rest of them.

Fluttershy tries to fly, and with a bit of difficulty manages to take off, but her wings lock up and she crashes after hearing another dragon snore. Applejack takes the map from Twilight and says she'll need it to find an alternate route around the mountain since Fluttershy is a mewling coward, and proceeds to lead Fluttershy to the top. 

Cut to Rarity and Pinkie Pie bored as fuck and playing Tic-Tac-Toe, because Hangman would require the existence of humans to be a thing in Equestria. Oh, and executions.

Applejack eventually arrives with Fluttershy, who she had to drag behind her what appears to be a great deal of the way. The six now finally reunited, they continue their journey to the dragon's cave. Along the way, they reach a chasm splitting the mountain path. Everyone that isn't Fluttershy leaps over the divide easily, leaving Fluttershy cowering and simpering on the other side. The others encourage her to make the jump, notably Pinkie Pie, who sings a song and doesn't irritate the shit out of me. 

Fluttershy works up the nerve to do it, and is almost to the other side when Twilight opens her big dumb mouth and says not to look down...which Fluttershy does. She flips out and starts to stop in mid-air to plummet to her doom...

...you'd think. 

Man the fuck up Fluttershy, seriously. 

So they keep walking and walking, like Lord of the Fucking Rings, and they reach a spot where Twilight says that any noise could cause a rock-slide and to keep quiet. The journey continues and even Pinkie Pie manages to shut up...they really did fix her! Any residual hate for her is gone!

Too bad Fluttershy takes up her slack in the annoying department and screams "AVALANCHE!" because a falling leaf touched her ass.

A landslide is triggered, and a bunch of boulders and shit start falling all over the place. The animation sequence here is really well done, so much so that I almost forgot Rarity and Twilight probably could have used their telekinesis to stop all the rocks. 

Nobody is hurt, but the journey is made a lot harder now that they have to climb over a pile of jagged boulders and shit. Fluttershy meekly apologizes and everyone seems forgiving but Rainbow Dash, who is justifiably pissed. 

Everybody's climbing over the consequences of Fluttershy's fuck-up, when Fluttershy fucks up and slips, causing her to crash into Applejack and Rarity. Rarity apologizes in order to spare Fluttershy's feelings, but Dash snidely implies that she's not to blame, which she isn't.

Having had it up to here with Fluttershy's bullshit, Dash flies ahead to ask Twilight if it was a good idea to bring Fluttershy along. Twilight says they're about to find out, because they've made it to the dreaded lair of the sleeping dragon!

To be continued in S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 3

Sunday, July 21, 2013

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 1

S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 1

Alright, so, Dragonshy. I don't really have any idea what to expect from this, but the header image is encouraging. After Applejack, Fluttershy has been the most amusing of the six. Well, let's get this shit started...

Is this where the show starts getting really, really good or something? Dragonshy starts off with Fluttershy trying to get Angel Bunny to eat some more carrot, and I have to admit, it made me laugh out loud, often. The part where the bunny tried to point out the smoke coming from a mountain also amused. Not even a minute in and the episode is already packed with jokes? Please God, let it be consistent from here on out. 

So after the opening, we see Fluttershy trying to warn everyone about their potential impending doom via fire or volcanic eruption or some shit like that. She ain't assertive about it or anything, so everyone ignores her. This continues until Twilight Sparkle shows up with some mothafuckin' bass in her voice and lets Ponyville know what's up.
Also, this happened at some point. 

Twilight got a text from Princess Celestia saying that the smoke isn't from a fire, it's from a dragon, which is worse I guess. Fluttershy is, naturally, scared shitless, because dragon. 

So we cut to the principal cast trying to figure out what to do about this dragon situation. Rarity points out that they aren't even remotely qualified to handle this, and is promptly dismissed by Rainbow Dash who suggests heaping fuckin' helpings of violence while trying to break expensive shit. Twilight says they have to do it because

A.) Princess Celestia said so

B.) Equestria will be choked with smoke if they don't


C.) Who needs those pegasus royal guards? Why have the omnipresent and all-powerful Princess-Goddess of Daylight lower herself to dispose of a mere dragon? You six are heavily featured in the opening credits--DEAL WITH IT.

There's a shit-packing montage, and the backgrounds in them look really, REALLY good. I don't think I've ever seen the backgrounds look that detailed in the past, but it's been weeks since I watched an episode, sue me.

(don't sue me)

But yeah, I think this montage is a take on something, some kinda parody...I'm gonna say A-Team. Yeah,  that feels right--A-Team.

They're ready to go now, and Twilight explains that the Dragon is in a scary-ass cave at the top of a cold-ass mountain peak. Fluttershy tries to worm her way out of going because cold mountain top dragon confrontation, and Twilight says she has to come because she's the one with the Heart Ring or something. Twilight says Spike can take care of her animals in the meadow, and he shows up fucking things up already. Rainbow Dash takes Twilight aside, and she's all like

RD: Look, this bitch is scary as hell-- can't we just leave her here? I already got this heavy-ass backpack, I don't need to be draggin' no corpse on the way back home!

TS: Gurl, she just nervous! She'll be alright!

And then Fluttershy is over there literally being frightened of her own shadow. You'd think they'd leave her home, spare her some psychological trauma, right?


To be continued in S01 E07: "Dragonshy" - Part 2