Sunday, July 28, 2013

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1

S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 1

Time for another friggin' review of a My Little Pony episode! Let's go. 

Okay, so we open at...I dunno, a park or something? A bunch of ponies and Derpy Hooves are helping to set up a rainstorm and clear the area of loose branches. Among the helpers are Applejack and Rarity. Rarity uses her magic to repair a branch and sculpt the leaves into pony shapes, but her effort is in vain-- Applejack kicks the shit outta the tree and the branch falls down again. The two of them really get into it over each other's personalities, which is weird, since Rarity only recently seemed to have gained one. 

AJ: What the hell? You're taking forever! The storm we have scheduled is going to start any minute and here you are fucking around being Edward Scissorhooves.

R: Well it's not my fault y'all are uglying everything up! Look at all this shit on the ground! At least I can make things look good while I help out. 

AJ: Yeah, um, not so much. If that's what you call being useful, you'd have been better off staying at home.

R: ...Don't make me cut you, bitch.

And then it starts raining and Rarity freaks out because she doesn't want her weave to get wet. Applejack shows her a park bench she can hide under, but Rarity says it's too muddy to sit under. The two of them throw shade at each other some more until thunder scares the shit out of them and they agree to look for some proper shelter.

So after the opening credits, we come back to see AJ under the bench with dirty ass hooves and Rarity is just standing in the rain like a jackass, complain-ifying. This is made all the more ridiculous when they hear Twilight Sparkle calling their names...

...from over here. Seriously? You're ponies! You have four fucking legs! Ponyville is so close that you can probably point to your own homes-- gallop your asses into a friggin' house, for God's sake!

So Applejack and Rarity wise up enough to go take shelter in Twilight's house. When they get there, Applejack points out that Twilight's house is a goddamn tree, and Twilight says she's got a magical lightning rod that keeps her house from being demolished and immolated. AJ and Rarity decide that this is better shelter than a park bench and decide to come in...until Rarity points out Applejack's muddy hooves. 

R: Hey, um, maybe don't track your dirty-ass hooves all over Twilight's floor? It's good manners--not that you have any.

Applejack begrudgingly agrees to do so, while uttering a bunch of words that add up to calling Rarity a cunt. Meanwhile, Twilight notes that the two of them live quite a bit far from where they are now, and offers to let the two of them stay the night, make it a sleep over and everything! Rarity is less than trilled with the idea of being stuck with Applejack over night, but she relents because what other choice does she have, besides potential pneumonia? 

Twilight breaks out her Official Slumber Party Fun Handbook or whatever, and shows it to Rarity, who says "fuck it, why not?" and they get down to having officially sanctioned fun. Later, AJ comes back, hooves all sparkling and glistenin' and shit, and kinda flips out when she sees Rarity and Twilight with some green shit allover their faces.

AJ: I just washed my hooves and here you bitches are putting mud on your faces? What was wrong with my mud? THE FUCK?!

And then Rarity condescendingly explains what a mud mask is, and Twilight says it's one of the things they have to do or they're not having Official Slumber Party Fun (TM). Rarity agrees, and snottily says that maybe Applejack should fuck off so she doesn't end up accidentally bitching up Twilight's first slumber party ever. AJ is about to go home, when more lightning strikes, and she decides to stay and put up with Rarity's cunt-fest...for now. 

To be continued in S01 E08: "Look Before You Sleep" - Part 2!

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