S01 E19: "A Dog and Pony Show"
Episode friggin' 19! Wow! If I tried to pat myself on the back over this shit, I'd put myself in traction. I know I'm going to finish the series, but it's been slow going getting even this far for any number of reasons. That said, I'd like to thank anyone who's been following this blog up to this point. The money is certainly nice, but what makes it really worth it is knowing I'm entertaining people to some extent.
As for the episode itself? I've been told this one is one of Adam's favorites, but I haven't the slightest clue why. When he was first watching the series, this is around the point that I checked out and stopped paying attention...well past that point, come to think of it. So far we've been of like mind for the most part, so I'm hoping that ends up being the case once again here. Without further ado...
Ponies Ponies Ponies
00:27 So some pony named Sapphire Shores or something just came in, and she has a title that I could barely understand when Rarity said it...I may have to watch this part with closed captions.
01:08 Sapphire turns out to be some kind of musical pop star in equestria and wants Rarity to design her wardrobe for some concert, since Rarity has gotten some kind of rep for her fashion designs. I wonder how much of this is intentional continuity, given that we've seen Rarity's work be evaluated by at least one other fashionista and her designs have been in somewhat high demand since then.
I like this when it happens, and I hope that it's something that continues in the future. I know the show was produced to be "easier to watch" by making the show seem more episodic, but these little nods are appreciated for those of us who have been paying attention, for whatever reasons. I never really got that mindset either-- I grew up on stuff like Gargoyles, X-Men and Spider-Man the Animated Series, so kids not being able to handle continuity is total bullshit as far as I'm concerned.
01:42 Sapphire is shown Rarity's latest work, and she loves it so much that she wants it and 5 more just like it! Too bad Rarity blew her cache of jewels on the one she already completed...I'm wondering what Sapphire sees in it though. Personally i found it to be too busy, but I'm terrible at fashion. :/
02:26 Rarity seems to be using her horn as a dowsing rod, probably to look for jewels...and Spike is with her? Weird. Why couldn't Sweetie Bell be doing this? She should exist outside of the CMC so it seems like she does other things besides irritate the other denizens of Ponyville while trying to get a cutie mark.
03:15 Was right about the dowsing rod thing! And Spike starts salivating once he digs up the jewels...he eats precious stones? The fuck? Oh, and now I'm back to wondering how exactly magic works in this show. Rarity's cutie mark makes a lot more sense if her power is specifically centered around finding rare jewels with her magic, but that has yet to be confirmed.
03:55 If Rarity can find jewels this easily, does this have any effect on their value? Would finding too many destabilize the Equestrian economy? How does the Equestrian economy even work? This show is sorely in need of some world-building.
04:21 Oh boy...Spike seems to have a crush on Rarity now that she gave him that jewel as a treat.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND SPIKE WHAT WOULD FLUTTERSHY THINK
04:40 Special Guest Star: GOLLUM
05:08 So there seems to be three of these gem hunters, and they are intelligent enough to discern that Rarity is the one locating all the jewels. what are the chances they'll be quadrapeds?
05:58 So one of those things is a "Diamond Dog"? I wonder if it was a Carbon Dog at some point.
Also, this thing is bipedal, but also a dog, so I was semi-sorta right.
06:17 Holy crap! I knew those guys would attack Rarity-- was not expecting Spike to come to her rescue though! Good for him! Spike, you and Opal are tied for Best Supporting Character now.
06:51 "Spike! Ugh, dirt!"
06:59 Woah-- suspense! Rarity got kidnapped! How's Spike gonna deal with it? Will he try to go it alone, or ask Twilight Sparkle and the others for help? Could this feeling be...interest?!
07:03 He got help. I wonder why it's just these 5 ponies though, you'd think a few more would be willing to help search for Rarity.
07:18 Spike is breathing into a paper bag to stop his hyperventilating, and they flashback to his incoherent attempts to explain what happened to Rarity. The producers seem to be far enough into things that they're willing to give some experimentation with the format of the show a shot, and I like it a lot.
07:46 Applejack thinks things will be as simple as retrieving Rarity from the hole the Diamond Dogs took her into.
08:09 Spotted! The Diamond Dogs begin filling the holes in attempt to cut the ponies off at the pass. Pragmatic villains? In MLP?!
KEEP IT UP
08:42 THEY FAILED! Near the end I was expecting Rainbow Dash to be fast enough to get down one of the holes, but even she couldn't act in time.
GOOD! Tension! Stakes! See, this is the kind of episode I can get more into, and I bet they're going to be few and far between just for that. >_>
09:05 So they cut away to an imagine spot of Rrity freaking out like an exagerated hypocondriac in her filth prison. Do all the ponies get this treatment? They should, it's interesting to see what they think of each other.
10:00 With no other options, the ponies start to dig, but the Diamond Dogs counter every attempt with comical ease...I like the Diamond Dogs up to this point, and I hope they make more appearances in the future. And if they can't, please write other bad guys who are as competent as they are!
10:19 Another Rarity freak out fantasy segment...they'll likely subvert this by showing her making friends with them or something, but I really hope she just manages to escape on her own.
10:43 Looks like they missed a hole! And Spike is going to use the gem Rarity gave him to lure out the Diamond Dogs, I guess? Spike is being all chivalrous and shit, it's adorable.
10:47 Until they pulled the camera back, I was expecting Spike to be dressed like Superman, since he kind of looked like the DCAU version a little bit in this imagine spot.
Someone, somewhere has masturbated to this.
10:57 Why the fuck do the Diamond Dogs have cat eyes? Can't believe I only just now noticed that...
11:44 AND RARITY IS DRESSED LIKE A PRINCESS HAHA
12:50 They got a "bite", and the six of them get dragged down into a subterranian network of tunnels deep beneath the ground and not a clue which of the multitude of paths they should take to even escape, let alone find Rarity...
See, now I know this isn't going to happen, but what I would do is have them get so despondant and desperate that they summon the Elements of Harmony to use as a means of locating Rarity, since the six of them have a bond of friendship through them.
CONTINUITY WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ANYWAY
13:19 So Rarity's gem-finding spell that was introduced in THIS EPISODE is not unique, she taught it to Twilight OFF SCREEN, and she's going to attempt to recall how it works. Figures. :/
13:35 It worked, and off they go.
14:18 So the Diamond Dogs have started forcing Rarity to find jewels. She finds some, and then they make the mistake of asking her to dig for them, even though they are clearly more skilled at it. Fortunately, Rarity is having none of their shit and seems primed and ready to tell them to fuck off.
14:54 Not exactly what happens-- she makes a middling attempt, but only because she had a pony-pedi, and the Diamond Dogs just say "fuck it" and tell her to stop.
14:56 SHE LOOKS SO SMUG BECAUSE THAT WAS THE PLAN AND THAT IS WHY RARITY IS BEST PONY
15:36 So much for that-- "If you will not dig, you will pull!" Then Rarity starts throwing shade about their bad grooming and terrible breath, because RARITY
16:26 WEAPONIZED WHINING
The only other place I have seen this is in an obscure RPG on the Nintendo DS called My World, My Way, and it's pretty much Rarity: The Game if she were a human princess in an anime European fantasy setting. The combat was pretty shallow and gets repetitive after a while, but it was a wonderfully meta game, and this episode is making me want to replay it a little.
But yeah, Rarity is getting on the Diamond Dogs' nerves so hard that it is causing at least one of them physical pain, and that's hilarious/AWESOME.
16:32 "I am not whining, I am complaing! Do you want to hear whining?"
School these motherfuckas, Rarity, SCHOOL 'EM
16:50 DAT WHINING THO'
This is probably the funniest thing I've seen in the show yet, and it makes me a little sad that this will probably be where this peaks this season...but I am totally willing to be disappointed if that ends up being completely wrong. And the humor is character-based, which I love. This moment right here is probably the most Cordelia-esque that I've seen Rarity be, and I'm a little annoyed that it took this long for that to truly sink in for her character since I'm eating it up with a spoon.
Actually, I'm pretty confident Cordelia did exactly this at some point, but I'm not entirely sure...
STAY TUNED FOR APATHY PONY WATCHES BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (probably not. maybe)
17:09 DD: "Stop whining!"
R: "But I thought you wanted whining!"
DD:"We'll do anything pony! [of Rarity's gaze] Oh, uh, we'll do anything, Ms. Rarity!"
17:22 SHE GOT THESE FOOLS FANNING HER AND PULLING CARTS FULL'A JEWELS AND SHIT
No, seriously, Rarity is the best pony. Yes, she is.
17:44 The Diamond Dogs finally have it dawn on them that they should grow a pair and stand up to Rarity, and I like this development even though I hope they fail miserably and hilariously.
18:06. Oh. SHIT.
One of these dumbasses made the mistake of calling Rarity a mule and smacking her ass in an attempt to get her to pull the cart. If this weren't a kids' show I'd be fairly certain that the offending Diamond Dog would be reduced to a crater in the spot where he once stood, but let's see how this actually plays out.
18:50 So Rarity starts the waterworks up because she feels that she's ugly since the Diamond Dog reffered to her as a "mule", but I'm pretty sure this is yet another ploy.
19:00 Rarity's sobbing and crying is even worse to the Dogs than the whining, and they've reached their limit. I really hope this is a ploy on Rarity's part, she was owning them up to this point and I'd hate to see her achieve victory out of sheer narcissism alone.
19:32 Oh right, there are other, lesser, not-Rarity ponies. And they get themselves captured by loudly announcing their intentions to rescue Rarity. Fortunately Applejack initiates a counter by telling the others to buck their captors off. This is why Applejack was best pony. Nothing wrong with 2nd place!
19:51 Turns out the bucking bronco treatment was super effective! Nice job.
20:04 Spike tries to ride Twilight as his personal steed before the rescue attempt and she gives him some withering side-eye. "Just give me this, okay?"
And she does, haha
Opal, you better watch out, seriously.
20:15 AND SHE RESCUED HERSELF JUST LIKE I WANTED YUSSSSSSSSSSSSS
20:44 Rarity is going to saunter outta there with cartloads of jewels, leaving the traumatized Diamond Dogs in her wake and not giving one. Single. Fuck.
21:05 "I had them wrapped around my hoof the entire time!" The crying was part of her plan, like I thought. Rarity, ladies and gentlemen.
21:21 "Just somepony is ladylike doesn't make her weak. In fact, by using her wits, a seemingly defenseless pony can be the one who outwits and outshines them all!"
BEST. LESSON. EVER.
No, seriously, this is the best lesson this season, and it mostly makes up for that bullshit aesop from "Feeling Pinky Keen". Thank you.
Well, shit! This episode is the best yet, seriously. My shameless Rarity bias is admittedly a factor, but when combined with a strong lesson, character-based humor, and challenging villains, there's really little that compares to it up to this point, at least as far as I'm concerned. Make one'a these for the rest of the cast and this show might finally start proving why the fans like it as much as they do.
That's all for now! See you next time for Green Isn't Your Color!
- Apathy Pony