Thursday, March 6, 2014

Apathy Pony Also Watches: Kill la Kill E01

Kill la Kill E01

I know, I know, what the fuck am I doing watching other things when I've been so inactive on the MLP front?

Because I promised.

Also, I lined up 4 pony blogs for publication before even attempting this, just so I'd feel like I put my primary audience first, so take that for what it's worth, if anything.

So, Kill la Kill! I haven't the faintest idea about what it involves besides luminescent man-nipples. A couple of my friends are watching it and they enjoy a particular brand of bat-shit craziness this show seems to provide. I like weird shit, so I figured I'd try it. I think it has a Magical Girl theme...? I dunno. What follows below the break is a summary of the first episode.

The Craziest of the Shiniest Shit, Y'all

00:02 Literally starting with Nazis. Nice. 

00:38 The lecture on the rise of Nazi Germany was an actual lecture, in a classroom that had to have bolted doors. Why bolted doors? To keep out shit like this, I'm assuming:

The actual fuck, tho

00:48 This abomination's name is Ira Gamagoori, and it's the Disciplinary Committee Chair of the School. I suddenly want to watch Project A-ko...

01:30 Some curly-headed fat-fuck was suspected of doing something or other, I'm faded. Anyway, yeah, he got his shit wrecked by Ira. The animation is so...I don't know. I'm kind of reminded of Ren and Stimpy almost? Nah, there's gotta be some other better analogy. But yeah, I likes it.

01:39 He stole a uniform. It's got fuckin' powers or some shit, it has to...

02:19 So we go full-throttle into Shonen Anime fight parody, with the stolen uniform seeming useful, then suddenly outclassed. Knowing that this is a parody actually makes me wonder how this is going to go.

02:58 Beaten, stripped, and utterly humiliated. ...Huh. On the other hand, there was talk about spying, and Kobe trying to get their hands on a Goku Uniform, or something? This show is weird.

 03:26 So this happened --

i don't know what's going on but i have to keep watching it

04:13 Of course there's a mysterious exchange student. IT'S ALWAYS THE FUCKING NEW GUY

04:19 That's the name of the school, by the way, and not George Orwell's School for Gifted Fascists, as I had assumed.

05:06 This speaks for itself, I think.

The kid was trying to steal homegurl's wallet, but ended up with a lemon that had a bite taken out of it, and-- whatever. It's funny.

05:18 Jesus Christ, just imagine if every aspect of your life could turn out to be some kind of Anime fight, AND they were RPG style random encounters? Life would be so fucking annoying, swear to God...

05:47 This reminds me of a song...

* * *

06:17 this is like some kind of Ghibli place that's all fucked up on crack

 I'm glad that the transfer student is as bewildered at this crazy-ass shit as I am. 

06:55 Crucified on barbed wire, while dangling from your broken limbs? I'll bet this is a magnet school...


Her name's Ryuko Matoi, just fyi

07:21 Cream wants you to sit with her, Shadow! 

07:33 This is Genki-Girl's name, because I am not typing that shit out, no sir.

07:49 The joke is that Mako has terrible blood-sugar levels.

07:56 ...Or something.

08:08 Mako is trying to say her and Ryuko are "besties" based only on being desk neighbors. I can only imagine what this poor girl's home life must be like.

08:38 We get to some exposition, and Ryuko is looking for whoever the school's "top dog" is. Pretty easy to guess based on the first few minutes, but yeah, it's Ira. He's actually one of four elites...there's always four...

08:54 They have Goku Uniforms that give them special powers when achieving 1-Star rank, with said powers increasing as one rises in rank to 3-Star. The Student Council President determines who is awarded ranks. Interesting...

09:14 Well, let's get ready for the inevitable confrontation...

09:37 It's best not to question these things, in my experience.

09:48 Never, ever.

10:13 not even 20 seconds passed between this and the above timestamp's screenshot

10:20 This spunky l'il fucker's the one who took down Ryuko. I'm guessing we'll see the other two elites in short order.

10:54 Takaharu explains that the gloves and trunks of his 2-Star Goku Uniform are powered by Rival Schools science, just in case you give a shit. 

11:00 Ryuko sounds ready to do a mic drop and get back to Student Council homegurl what's-her-fuck. I give this fight 1:30. Tops.

11:30 Not even 30 seconds. Student Council lady ready to do a hair flip and erry'thang.

11:39 Ryuko is getting her ASS handed to her. I wonder if she'll bust out a Deus Ex Machina power anytime before the credits roll.

12:12 Ryuko steals a delivery bike for some reason, but I'm assuming that it's going to be for an attack.

But I was wrong-- It was merely to escape. And here I thought this show was going to be wall-to-wall fight scenes.

12:46 Boxer Dude is being admonished by Ira for his many, many failures. 50/50 on whether he'll be summarily executed or not for them.

Uzu here blames Ira for being a shitty disciplinarian as the reason Lady Satsuki was insulted. Starscream potential: 42%

13:10 Nerdlinger here is the council's strategist and intelligence expert. I have a feeling he'll have some interesting attacks.

13:34 Token Loli is the last of the Elite Four, mentioning that she's shocked that the scissor blade could cut a Goku Uniform. Turns out there's a reason for that. Turns out Lady Satsuki is familiar with the name Matoi...


* * *
14:24 I kinda like that they're playing all these shonen tropes straight with a female lead, I can't really think of a time before this when they ever-- TRAP DOOR HOLY SHIT

14:45 Ryuko lands into a vast chamber filled with junk beneath her old house. Some mysterious guy or another is the one that triggered the trap, saying that the rest was up to her. Turns out he was the guy teaching the Nai class earlier in disguise.

15:00 Okay, Ryuko spilled some blood and some creepy voice starts talking about wanting more outta nowhere. This fucked up, man. 

15:13 So it seems that Haunter likes the taste of  blood, as if he didn't need to be any fucking creepier...

15:19 AND IT GOT CREEPIER, it's a possessed sailor fuku, and one can only imagine by what if it wants the taste of BLOOD

 16:09 That sailor fuku is a Goku Uniform, and I'm sure we're about to see what it can do in a minute.
Meanwhile Boxer Guy is holding Mako hostage, fearing the threat of losing his uniform for his potential failure.

17:28 Mako's being cooked alive in boiling oil priorities are 100% on point.

17:48 I promise that this is a rescue.

18:11, Well, shit should be getting realish any second now...

18:26 Looks like Boxer-Dude studied at the Touhou School of Martial Arts.

18:44 All that lovely detailed artwork just to depict a

19:03 Ryuko reveals her new uniform, and now we're really getting into the spirit of the show: GRATUITOUSLY GRATUITOUS FANSERVICE

19:15 ...And this. 


19:25 Turns out that was innuendo, something I should probably get used to, in all honesty.

20:04 Expect this to go exactly as planned.

20:10 necessary

 20:18 Exactly as planned.

20:49 Ryuko's new duds are totally a Goku Uniform, in case the cross-shaped sparkles didn't give it away before.

Or if you even, like, give a fuck.

21:13 We're bestowed with much fanservice, followed by Ryuko actually seriously attacking for the first time since she had to wear her demon uniform in public. Kinda badass. 

21:32 And a finisher! They're so generous.

22:40 And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do a fucking first episode. 


Final Thoughts

That...was a thing. A good thing?

...Yeeeeeessss? I could definitely continue, that's for sure. The action was good, the animation was great, and the characters gave me just enough details to develop an interest. Keep it up, Kill la Kill!

- Apathy Pony-

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